Forever & Always
by TwixiethePixie
Summary: The wolves had taken everything from Danielle. Her parents. Her brother. Essentially her life. All she had left was her little sister, but what happens when she is forced to be separated from her too? She will do anything to find her way back to her sister, just like she promised - she will conquer death, face her fears, and even befriend the creatures of her nightmares.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_Nice… nice… nice and steady now…_

_CRACK!_

I cursed as my bow snapped, splintering in my hands. The arrow I'd so carefully aimed was buried in the ground rather than soft flesh. The squirrel I'd been tracking for an hour was gone.

With one last wary glance around, I began picking up the pieces of my crude bow. If there had been any wolf within a mile or two of here, they would have heard my bow break. I'd have to either carve a new one or grab one of my spares later.

Satisfied I was alone in this particular part of the woods, I grabbed my game bag and began heading back. Rose would be hungry, and I had more than enough food for now. I'd had an unusually lucky run today.

It was a two hour long trek back to our camp, but it passed quickly, as I'd made this trip more times than I could count.

Half a mile from our makeshift home, I heard a twig snap and froze. I tilted my head to the side, listening carefully. I could just hear soft footfalls – someone attempting to be stealthy. My heart pounding, I pulled my pelts tighter to my body and slid silently behind the nearest tree. Judging I had enough time, I hid my bag under some leaves at the foot of the tree and began scrambling up like a squirrel, making next to no sound at all. What can I say? Practice makes perfect. Especially when your life depends on it.

I froze again, perched on a low-hanging branch. I slid my hunting knife from my belt, brandishing it nervously, and strained to listen.

Nothing.

Then, all of a sudden, a figure burst from behind another tree with a yell, wildly swinging a club. "_Ha!"_

The familiar figure stopped abruptly, turning in confused circles and letting the club fall to her side. She was almost directly under my tree.

With a sigh of relief, I slid the knife back into my waistband. Then, unable to resist, I grinned and dropped down like a cat from my perch, landing squarely on her shoulders and knocking her to the ground. She squealed, crying out in surprise as she dropped her club and was burdened with my weight.

She began struggling frantically - desperately - before I rolled off of her laughing and she realized she wasn't in any real danger. Almost immediately, she jumped to her feet and glared at me. "Curse the moon! _Not _funny, Dani! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

I laughed maniacally. "Shows you for trying to sneak up on me, clumsy. You were so loud, I was able to hide my bag _and _climb that tree before you even managed to get _close_ enough to try and scare me!"

When she realized I was right, her scowl deepened, but I could tell she was trying not to laugh.

Getting to my feet, I punched her shoulder lightly as I walked past to retrieve the game I'd caught earlier today. "What can I say, Rosie? Practice makes perfect," I said, repeating my thoughts from earlier aloud.

"But I _do _practice," my little sister whined as she trotted to my side. "I'm just no good." We began making our way back towards camp, me glancing around cautiously the whole time.

We walked in silence for a while before I glanced back over my shoulder at her with a smirk. "So... is that really how you'd react if you'd actually been attacked?"

Rose didn't answer, but I could feel her glare and I laughed. We both knew she wasn't good at split-second decisions or reactions.

Suddenly, I turned to roll my eyes at her and stuck my tongue out teasingly. She narrowed her eyes with a sly grin, knowing what was coming, and I took off at a sprint. With a yell, Rose took off after me, determined to show me up on at least this. But even with my game bag swinging and thumping into my side, I was faster than her.

Even though she was almost two years younger, she was taller than me and had long legs. However, it didn't work to her advantage that she was clumsy, and I was lighter than her and quick on my feet, darting in and out of the trees with ease.

We raced often, because it provided us with some fun - after all, we were still kids - and a challenge, as well as exercise. We needed to stay fit in order to survive. I loved running. It provided a distraction, and just a feeling of freedom. It was like nothing could touch me; I was unstoppable, I was light as wind - free of responsibilities.

Rose was right on my heels when we reached our tiny camp – I was only slightly faster than her, her long legs making up for her clumsiness. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I tossed my battered bag at the base of the nearest tree. I walked over near the pond and sunk to the ground panting. "Nice try," I said with a smirk.

My little sister just grinned. She was used to me winning, but she still believed one day she'd pass me up. And she very well could.

"Next time," Rose panted. She strode over to the small pond that sat on the edge of our small home and splashed some water on her face.

"You hungry?" I asked.

"Yup. In the mood for some stew. Whad'ya got?"

"I managed about half a dozen squirrels, a couple rabbits, and - oh yeah! I actually got a fish, too!" I told her, standing up and walking over to splash some water on my own face. As an afterthought I added, "What were _you_ doing out there? Searching for plants, or just trying to scare me?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "What'd you think I was doing? I was picking herbs." She pulled out a clump of squashed plants from her back pocket and waved them in my face.

I wrinkled my nose. "Not much, but it'll have to do."

"I know," sighed Rose. "It's getting colder, and edible plants are getting harder to find. I'm afraid I may have picked too much and this winter will wipe them out altogether."

I turned to her anxiously, but kept my face calm. "We'll be fine, Rose. If worse comes to worse, we'll just move camp."

Rose's chocolate brown eyes were worried as she gave me one last glance and went over to my game bag to start making the stew. I flopped onto the ground, landing on my back, and watched her from the corner of my eyes. She was trying to tame her wild brown hair back into a ponytail, which almost made me laugh.

I reached back a hand into the pond behind me, scooping up some water and letting it run through my fingers and onto my face. "Rosie, it'll really be alright," I sighed. It had to be.

She turned to me, fiddling nervously with something at her throat, a weird habit I'd caught her doing on multiple occasions. "I know, but… I really liked this place. The big trees, the pond… it just feels so safe, and _home_-like."

She pulled out a pot from the little tunnel we'd dug under a tree for storage and came over to get some water. "Now make yourself useful, Dani. I need you to start a fire soon."

My moment of relaxation was over. Well that only lasted about ten seconds. "Yeah, yeah, just gimme a sec." I reluctantly hauled myself up from the bank. I scrunched my nose, as I realized I'd had my head right in the mud, and strode over to a low hanging tree and began stripping its branches.

I thought about what Rose had said. This really did feel like home. I liked it here too. It provided a sense of security and relaxation. It was the perfect place to live in a time like this; a pond to hide in and wash away your scent, trees to hollow out and stuff with supplies, as well as to use for travel and hiding as to not leave tracks or trails.

I admit, it'd be hard leaving here. I'd grown attached to this place, even if I wouldn't tell Rose that. I had to set an example.

But we've moved dozens of times, so it's not like this was anything new. You had to do what you had to do, and you couldn't be too picky about where you settled down.

We worked in silence as we prepared our supper. By the time darkness had fallen, we were sitting comfortably around the fire I'd made and sipping from small bowls of squirrel stew, with half a fried fish each as a treat.

I was glad it was so warm for being October, or else we would've been freezing and clicking our teeth together. I suppose we still had a few weeks before that happened. I'd have to start stocking up some more on pelts.

I knew I'd better tell Rose, but was reluctant. She'd want to come with me, and I didn't want to risk that. She was getting older now, so I couldn't use the excuse that she was too young anymore.

Hesitantly, I put my spoon in my bowl and set it aside. "Rosie… like you said... it's starting to get colder out."

She jerked her head up, immediately getting at what I was saying. "I want to – "

"Rose, _no. _I'm going to do this alone."

She narrowed her eyes and jutted her jaw out stubbornly. "I'm coming." Before I could say anything else, she went on. "Spare me the excuses. You can't keep leaving me behind, Dani. I'm not a baby anymore. For heaven's sake, I'm going to be _thirteen _in a week or two now. It's time I started helping out some more and taking care of myself." I was going to interrupt again, but she refused to let me.

"I know you don't want me to get hurt, and you don't want to risk me. You're my big sister - it's your job - and I get that. But I think I'm old enough now to begin taking care of myself. And what about _you? _You risk yourself every winter, and I'm just supposed to sit here and hope you come back. But Dani, what if one day you _don't?" _she choked.

I hadn't been prepared for a speech like that, and was stunned. She'd _never _spoken to me like this. I glowered at her. "_Mariana-Rose Macht._ I said you're not going, so you're not going. I will come back. I will _always _come back to you. It's going to be okay."

Suddenly Rose was on her feet, her bowl and spoon crashing to the ground and spilling all of its contents. Her face was twisted angrily and there were tears making tracks down her filthy face. "You mean like _Jeff?_ You're going to come back like _Jeff_ did? He said he'd come back too, but guess what? _He_ _didn't._"

I flinched back as if she'd slapped me. That was a low blow, and she knew it. But she didn't seem to care.

All of a sudden, I became angry. So unbelievably angry. At me, at her, at Jeff, at everything.

She was growing up, I realized. I wouldn't be able to keep protecting her like this, no matter how hard I tried. My little baby sister was growing up.

But, I didn't want her to. I didn't want her to get hurt. I wanted to keep her young and carefree for as long as I could, because in a world like this, you grew up fast. You _had_ to. It had happened to Jeff, and then me, and I couldn't let that happen to Rose too. I started furiously, but she cut me off again.

"I _need_ to know how to take care of myself, Dani. I need to know how to hunt and I need to learn how to get pelts. You've been taking care of me for so long, and I love you for it, but… if something happens to you," her voice broke, but she was determined to keep going, "if something happens to you, I need to be able to go on. I need to go on like you did when Jeff didn't come back. I know you'd want that, too. But I can't survive alone if you won't teach me how."

She didn't understand. The only reason I'd been able to go on when Jeff didn't come back was because I had a little sister to take care of. She wouldn't.

I would come back to her. I _had_ to. "Rosie – "

"I'm going to sleep. You can think about it overnight. But we both know I'm right." Rose stormed off to her tree, swinging with ease up into its branches. I stared after her in the dark as she settled down onto a thick limb and turned her back to me.

I stayed like that for a long time before I finally forced myself to move. I picked up our bowls and spoons and began washing them in the moonlight. My mind was whirring.

I knew Rose was right. I'd been babying her for far too long, and if something ever happened to me, she could get killed for it. I couldn't hide her from the real world forever. I wished she remembered what it was like before all of this… before mom and dad, before Jeff, before the wolves. She had only been six when our world had gone to hell. If only she remembered before that though, then she'd understand. I just wanted her to be normal – as normal as you could be in these times.

This real world would break her, and she'd become like me. Hardly finding any humor in the world, left alone and weighed down with responsibility. Always hunting, always on the watch, never being able to relax for longer than five seconds. Because in this world, if you let your guard down, there was a good chance you'd be dead. Or worse, Turned.

I couldn't let that happen to her. My little Rose needed to stay a kid, for as long as possible - something I never got the chance to do.

I would come back. I'd always come back. I wouldn't let anything stop me. I _couldn't _let anything stop me.

I had been feeling slightly bad for snapping at her and being so harsh, but that all vanished now.

I got up and dumped the pot, bowls, and spoons into the storage tree. I snuffed the fire and then made sure all signs of life were gone. It would be useless to hide if signs of life were obvious. Satisfied our presence would go unknown to anything passing, I gave one last glance around climbed the nearest trunk. Trying to lay down, I could think only one thing: _There was no way I was letting Rose come with me._

* * *

I was awoken by the sound of a snapping twig.

I'd always been a light sleeper, but after we'd been forced to go on the run and live in the woods in constant fear, I'd trained myself so that even the slightest sound woke me. And lucky it is at that.

However, not even the howling of a dozen wolves could wake Rose. At least she didn't snore anymore; that'd been a hard but necessary habit to break.

I froze in my tree and strained my ears. I couldn't hear anything.

Then, the direction of the wind changed and the stench hit me.

Fear arced through my spine as I expertly rolled from my tree and landed in a crouch, making next to no sound at all. Without wasting a second, I sprinted lightly across the ground to Rose's tree, careful not to crunch any leaves or twigs. In just a few seconds I was up her tree and shaking her harshly awake. I really didn't bother being gentle.

She didn't make a sound as her eyes snapped open and she turned to me. Good girl; she'd learned well not to make a sound when awoken. I didn't even have to say anything before she scrambled down the tree, our argument forgotten, making the least amount of noise possible. I dropped from the tree and followed her.

The pond seemed to glow in the moonlight as it reflected the silvery sphere. It was full. _Shit. _They were at their strongest now – strength, speed, and most importantly, hearing and smell.

Within seconds, I'd grabbed Rose and slipped into the pond, breaking the image. I ducked us under a ledge and into the little cove we'd dug out. There was only just enough room to keep your nose and mouth above water.

This was what I meant when I'd said the pond provided good hiding and masking of smell.

Our pelts weighed us down heavily, but it didn't bother me. The pond was shallow enough here to where I could at least stand on my toes; and it was better than being caught because we took the time to strip down and leave our pelts laying around for anyone, or thing, to see.

My heart was pounding, and I almost cursed myself. I began breathing deeply and slowly, steadying my heart rate. Rose, noticing, began to do the same. They would be able to hear the rapid thumping of our hearts; but a slow, steady, controlled heart rate was usually safe. We breathed slowly and soundlessly as we waited, both taut as a bow string. I slid my hand into my pocket to clutch my hunting knife for comfort, and in anticipation that we were discovered.

The water was absolutely freezing, and I would've shivered if I hadn't been so pumped with adrenaline.

We didn't have to wait long before we heard them.

I clutched Rose tighter to me as the sounds became nearer. The padding of paws, crunching the leaves underfoot; the harsh panting of at least three or four wolves; and the loud snuffling. They were smelling for us.

I could just see their reflections as they stood, directly above us, on the highest ledge overlooking the pond. There were three of them, all bristling in the cool night air.

The first one I noticed was female, with gold eyes glinting in the moonlight. It had earthy brown fur, brushed over at the tips with black. It was built huge and sturdy, and had an air of confidence and command about it. It must have been at _least_ five and a half feet tall. It stood in the middle, and I assumed it was an Alpha of this particular pack.

The second was a solid pale blonde color. It was built small and light, for speed more than strength. It couldn't have been more than five feet tall. You would've thought it was female too if not for its silver eyes. Its silky wheat fur was marred only by a deep, jagged, ugly scar streaking down its side.

The third of the pack was white, peppered with underlying layers of black and dark grey. You could say its hair was colored in a way that reminded you of cookies and cream, or Oreos. This one was somewhere in between the other two in its height. Its silver eyes flashed as it turned and surveyed its surroundings. It had a lean, muscular build, like a runner. This one had a more youthful look to it than the others.

All three of them padded in and out of view, their noses twitching as they searched the place. I could only hope I had cleaned up well enough before I'd gone to sleep.

Rose started trembling, whimpering quietly and clutching anxiously at something at her throat, and the female's head whipped back towards the pool. I pulled Rose closer to me and put a hand over her mouth, whispering silently in her ear, and tried to control my own heartbeat. The female stalked over to the edge of the pond and peered around with slitted golden eyes.

I cringed. _Hunters._

It had been a while since wolves had found our camp. I'd been a fool to have been lulled into a sense of security. We'd have to move for sure now – soon. Within the next twelve hours.

The huge Alpha stepped closer, its front paws on the very edge of the pond now. It narrowed its eyes and began to inhale…

The Alpha's head snapped around and I almost let out a breath of relief, but caught myself. The Alpha padded out of sight and went back to its pack. I assumed one of the beasts had called for it.

My eyes widened involuntarily and I stiffened. _The stew._ Rose had spilled her stew. I never cleaned that up.

They stayed for at least another 10 minutes, and then, with only a swoosh of the wind, they were gone.

Rose and I stood there in dead silence for over an hour before I judged it was safe enough to emerge.

We came out from our cove carefully and silently, barely moving any water. I put a hand back to stop Rose, indicating I'd go first. I slid out my hunting knife and poked my head out slightly, so only my eyes were at ground level. I inhaled some air, and, judging it to be okay, slipped out quickly, but knife ready as a precaution. I glanced around warily, scrutinizing the place.

The Hunters had only been here briefly, but the place reeked heavily of them. I trod over to the place where Rose had spilled her stew and almost yelled aloud my frustration and anger at myself.

How could I have been so stupid?

I called out to Rose, and she emerged cautiously from the pond. Like me, she was soaking wet, and shivering in the chilling night air.

I took a deep breath. "Take off those pelts. Get changed."

Without argument, she went to retrieve a few spare pelts. I watched her and bit my lip nervously as I thought. There was no doubt about it - we had to get out of here. But where would we go? Going into unfamiliar territory and then so soon going hunting for pelts would be dangerous, and the risk would be higher.

_What would Jeff do...?_ I pondered.

Rose walked up to me and handed me a couple extra pelts. I nodded in appreciation and began to change, still thoughtful.

"We have to leave," I said quietly.

"I know." Rose's voice was trembling. We'd never had such a close encounter with wolves before. Or, well, _she_ hadn't. "When?"

"We're packing up and now. I'll go pelt hunting on the way."

"What about me?"

I frowned. I didn't like the idea of leaving her all alone with wolves nearby, in such a new territory. But there was also no way I was taking her with me.

"Can... can I come with you? Pelt hunting, I mean?" Rose asked hesitantly. She was much less confident now after our close encounter.

I shook my head, sliding down against a tree. "Go catch some rest, Rose. I'll pack up the stuff. We leave in an hour. No arguing tonight."

Catching the note of finality in my voice, Rose bowed her head and trudged off back to her tree.

I took the hair tie off the end of my hair where it tied off my French braid and began unweaving it. I always had my hair in a French braid, straight down my back, because it was the best way to keep the hair out of my face and it prevented most twigs and other pieces of nature from getting tangled in the huge golden mass. In other words, it was the most practical under our current situation.

My hair tumbled down over my shoulders, wavy from the braid, nearly reaching my mid-back. I combed through it with my fingers, eyes closed. Grasping back into the far reaches of my memory, I tried to imagine that the fingers untangling my hair were not my own, but my mother's.

My gut twisted, but I ignored it.

It felt familiar and relaxing, unweaving and now weaving my long hair back into a tight French braid. I did it every morning; it was like part of my routine. I remembered when Mom had taught me how to French braid…

The familiar pang hit again, this time almost doubled me over. No, I wasn't ready to go there. Not yet. Too soon... I didn't like to dwell on the past, it was too painful. Just a simple memory like braiding hair with Mom would eventually end up leading to darker, more horrible things…

I tied off the end of my braid and stretched. I straightened up and went to go brush over the area where Rose had spilled her stew with my crudely made shoes. It was time to get back to reality.

Normally I was careful to not leave any foot prints behind, but this time I made sure I left prints.

Obviously, if the Hunters came back, they'd notice someone had been here. But that was the point. They had to think we were still living here, so we would have an easier time getting out. Plus, there'd be a less chance we'd run into them out in the rest of the forest if they were so focused here. And, if I decided to, we would have an easier time coming back and sneaking up on them to take both their lives and pelts.

I went around and began packing up the rest of our things. I wondered briefly what Dad or Mom, or even Jeff would think if they saw us now. Would they be proud? Disappointed? Disgusted? Emotions bubbled up and I shoved the thoughts down. I had been thinking about them a lot lately.

Maybe it was time to remember. I couldn't hide from it forever. I had to face the painful memories and get over it, get stronger. After all, it had been almost seven years since then… and only four since Jeff. Remembering was so painful… I'd crammed the memories down for so long, everything was just a dark blur now. I was afraid to remember it in full. It had been horrible, terrifying, traumatizing.

I still hadn't even told Rose about them. She was so young when it happened… she barely knew anything about our parents, or the world before this. I told her bedtime stories about the world before sometimes, but I'd never mentioned Mom or Dad. I was careful not to get too thoughtful or nostalgic around her.

A fat drop landed on the ground in front of me, and I glanced upwards. Was it raining? "Dammit," I muttered angrily, realizing I'd been crying. I dashed a hand furiously against my eyes. I _never_ cried.

Finished packing, I stashed our gear and supplies back into the hollow tree and climbed up above Rose to keep watch. She was definitely not asleep. She lay there with there with her brown eyes wide open. I didn't blame her.

She saw me watching her and shut her eyes, though she was far from drifting off to sleep. I watched her as she lay there, looking so peaceful it made me want to pull her into my arms like a baby, like I used to do when we were little and we'd play house. In the moonlight now, she looked so young.

The light of the moon washed out her chocolate brown hair to a coppery hue. I wondered what she was dreaming about.

I smiled to myself, but then turned into more of a grimace. In a normal life, she'd be dead asleep, dreaming about boys, and animals, and magic maybe. But in this one, her "good" dreams were probably filled with facing down wolves, being reunited with Mom, Dad, and Jeff, and helping me out in our harsh day to day life. And just, you know, generally staying alive.

Rose's long wild hair spread out around her like a halo, and I could almost imagine her as she should have been. Safe, carefree, happy, joyful, running around and going to the mall with her friends without a care in the world. She should be worrying about tests and what outfit to wear tomorrow, not staying alive and finding enough food every day.

I sighed and frowned. I didn't understand the wolves' hatred of humans. What the hell did we do to them? What god would make such abominable and unnatural creatures, gifted with weapons of remarkably increased agility, speed, accuracy, strength, etc? Who would want such a monster that was so heartless, ruthless, and cold? Why?

I'd been so young when they hit, I didn't remember much. And on the run like this, I couldn't gather much information without getting killed. Besides, it's not like any wolf would want to talk to me. Even if they did, I really would not want to interact with one, even for information gathering purposes. Even so, I couldn't go in and pretend I was a wolf because a.) I didn't have silver or gold eyes, and b.) there was no way I would be able to casually hide my scent for that long and around so many wolves.

Most of what I'd learned about the wolves had come from Jeff. The rest I'd learnt through my own experiences and inferences. And I _still_ knew probably next to nothing about the enemy.

There were so little of us left… Humans were almost an extinct species. At first, we'd run into hundreds of our own kind a year. But that was almost seven years ago. Our numbers had quickly been withered down, and now you were lucky to run into _one _other human every year or so.

I remained trapped in my whirl of thoughts for the rest of the night, and before I knew it, an hour had passed. I smiled down at Rose's resting face, so angelic and peaceful. As always, a hand lay curled into a protective fist near the hollow of her neck. It was a habit of hers that she'd had for years, but I'd never bothered to ask what it was about or what she was holding. I didn't want to be that person that always dogged her every move, thought, action, and secret. People needed their privacy, and I could tell this was something precious to her. She'd tell me if and when she wanted; and no matter how curious I was, I'd respect that.

I knew she was already awake – she had never gone to sleep. I wouldn't have either, after what had just happened – but she looked so peaceful. But we had to go. I slipped down to her branch and her eyes shot open.

"It's time?" she asked quietly.

I nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I began packing up, and soon Rose, without being told, was doing the same.

I crossed the distance to a large twisted oak at the edge of our camp. It took me a while to find the spot, but eventually I was able to locate what I was looking for through the tangle of roots. I pulled out my prize.

Rose was watching me curiously. "Dani, why don't you ever use that bow? It's so much better than all those crap bows you make that break after their first couple uses."

Caught off guard, I mumbled, "It's too big for me."

My little sister frowned. "Okay, I get you saying that a couple years ago, but now it looks practically the perfect size for you. And even if you don't want to use the bow, what about the arrow sheath? That could be handy, instead of those old logs you strap to your back."

She was irritating me. "You don't know anything about archery, Rose. I know what I'm doing," I snapped.

Rose flinched, but then narrowed her eyes. Her jaw jutted out stubbornly. "I know enough about archery and watching you to know that that bow is perfect for you. It's almost the exact size of the crude bows you carve. So you can't tell me it's "too big"."

I turned and gave her a hard glare.

My expression must have been more severe than I thought, because Rose cringed.

Immediately, I felt bad. But I wasn't ready to go there yet. "Sorry," I mumbled, turning away again. I could feel my eyes getting teary and wiped a hand across my face. I don't cry, especially not in front of my little sister.

"What is it, Danielle?" my sister asked softly.

I shook my head. My hand ran along the familiar curves and smooth wood of the weapon, somehow calming. There was an internal battle raging inside of me.

She deserved to know. He was her dad too.

_But I'm not ready,_ a little voice inside me cried, the voice I'd kept locked away for so many years. _I can't go there, not yet. Too soon. Too soon,_ the voice chanted.

Rose came up behind me, placing a light hand on my back. "Dani..." she said, examining the bow with me.

I turned my head and watched her with sad eyes. Catching my look, she frowned, and looked back at the bow again, putting the pieces together.

Her expression completely changed. I could barely describe the emotions that flickered across her face. Sadness, sorrow, anger, confusion, hurt, awe. Her hands flew to her throat, clutching at something I couldn't see. I supposed it calmed her in some way, whatever she was hiding from me, just like Dad's bow calmed me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know," I choked, completely honest. "I knew it would make you sad, and then you would start asking questions about him. I just wasn't ready for that. I'm still not sure I am."

Rose held out her hands for the bow, and after a moment's hesitation, I handed it to her, albeit reluctantly, like it was a precious piece of porcelain that might break. "Be careful," I told her. I couldn't bear if anything happened to it.

Once again, one of Rose's hands moved impulsively to her neck, and her expression grew sad and ponderous. "So I won't ask. But you have to tell me about him, and Mom, sometime, Danielle. They were my parents too." Her face was awed as she stroked the ancient bow which had belonged to our father so long ago. It was still in near perfect condition. Dad had always taken great care of it, and I'd tried to do the same over the years.

"I know," I said sadly. "Was it really that obvious?"

Still engrossed in the fine wooden bow, Rose answered, "No, not really. I hadn't noticed until now how sad you were around it. This is the first time I've really asked about it, and actually watched your expressions and behavior as I did. All it took was one last look at your face and another at that bow to unlock a couple memories."

I let out a kind of choked laugh. "You've grown very observant, haven't you?"

"I learned from the best," Rose replied with a smile.

I blinked back tears. "So... You remember him?"

"No," she shook her head. "Not clearly. Just a faint outline. What I mostly remember was this bow. He was almost never without it," she remembered with a smile.

Suddenly Rose looked up. "But I still don't understand; why won't you use it?"

I didn't answer for several moments. Finally: "It's the only piece of Dad I have left," I said quietly.

"But, still –"

"I'm afraid if I use it, it'll become mine and the last piece of him I have left will be gone. I'm afraid I'll break it, or lose it, or ruin it in some way," I said in one rush of breath. "I want - I _need - _to preserve this last piece of him."

"Oh Dani," Rose carefully put down the bow and put her arms around me. "I don't think you could ever erase Dad from that bow, and I know you would be extra careful in keeping it in perfect condition." She pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "You would never let anything happen to it, I can tell. And each and every time you use that bow, Dad will be with you, in here." She fisted her hand over her heart.

My lip trembled and I struggled not to cry. When had she grown up so much? When had she become so wise? I thought _I_ was supposed to comfort _her._

"Use it, Danielle," Rose whispered. She picked the bow back up from the ground, pressing it into my hands. She looked older than her years. "He'd want you to."

I bit my lip, struggling inwardly. What if I broke it, or damaged it? What if I erased every trace of Dad left in that bow? But, I knew Rose might be right. He would always be with me. _Forever and always, _I remembered; Dad's last words to me. _I'll be with you, forever and always, Danielle._

Slowly I nodded, and finally grasped the bow. Rose smiled sadly and released it, walking away.

I pulled it in close to me and gazed at it as if in a trance. I tried to imagine Dad with this bow, stroking it up and down with incredible care, as if it were a precious gem, just as I was right now. Would Dad really approve? Was he really with me? I turned my gaze up at the sky.

Just at that moment, I realized something. _Crap. _"Curse the moon," I muttered. Then, bolting to my feet, "_Rose!"_

Startled, she jerked her head up from where she was fiddling with her things. "What?"

"We need to go – _now _We should have been gone a long time ago. It's nearly dawn."

Rose glanced up quickly at the sky and blanched, grabbing her things. I went and strapped Dad's bow to my back. I raced over to grab my own gear and the matching sheath to the bow, along with a couple extra bundles of arrows.

We'd spent too much time talking. Who knows when the wolves were coming back? My silent question was answered by a chorus of distant howls.

"You ready?" I asked Rose. She gave a quick nod. "Okay, let's go." Turning west, the opposite direction of the howls, I set off at a sprint. We had a lot of ground to make up.

* * *

After a couple miles, I slowed my pace to a steady jog. Not long after, I finally slowed to a brisk walk. Rose pulled up wheezing behind me. "Can we… take a… break… now?"

I wiped the sweat from my brow. "Fine. A quick one." I was nowhere near as winded as her. I ran like this almost every day. Plus, I was pumped with adrenaline.

Rose collapsed onto a nearby log trying to catch her breath while I surveyed our surroundings. We were still in familiar territory, because I recognized a lot of these landmarks. We hadn't been running long, and I'd been several hours out a few times.

I judged we still had about half a day's journey ahead of us before I'd want to stash our things away and start pelt hunting. Plus, we'd have to stop at least once or twice for food, and we'd be wanting to find a water source soon. Our canteens were going to run out within a couple hours.

"Okay, that's enough. Let's get a move on," I said. Rose groaned and got up, but didn't complain. She knew we had to get as far away from here as possible while it was still daylight. And it was very likely we'd still be on the move when darkness fell too.

This time, instead of taking off at a sprint, I just resumed our brisk walking pace. I looked back at Rose and frowned. Her hair was down and plastered all down her face, neck, and back. "You know, it might help if you put your hair up some," I mused.

Rose blinked at me and then frowned, as if just realizing her hair was down. She'd let it down before she'd gone to bed last night. "Oh, yeah, that might be a good idea."

I smiled and turned back ahead as she took out a hair tie and began pulling back her long tangled mass of brown hair.

After another half hour, Rose jogged up to my side, her ponytail bouncing. "So..." she began hesitantly. "What am I going to do?"

"What do you mean?" I tried playing it stupid. I hadn't really worked out the answer to that yet.

"You know… am I going to come with you, or...?" She twirled a loose strand of her hair nervously.

My mood darkened and I sighed. "Well first we need to get a long way away from our camp. Then, we'll stash our things and backtrack some. There are three of them - more than I'm used to. I normally go for a loner or small pack of two who are either out wandering or are at the edge of a city. You have to make sure you catch them in their wolf form, or no pelts." I recited everything Jeff had told me when he'd first shown me how to hunt for pelts. It was dangerous and risky, but necessary.

I didn't like telling Rose this kind of stuff - it implied I was going to take her with me or something. But really, I was only preparing her a little in case I _didn't_ come back, however much I hated to think about it.

"Once I think we're far enough away, we'll do like I said and stash away our things. Then, I'm going to make a hunting trip and get as much food for you as I can. While I'm doing that, you'll find some water. After we've got you set up good enough, I'll be heading out for a few days for pelts. Three pelts will make a great addition to our store for the winter. You just keep quiet and hidden. Only go out when you absolutely need to."

"But what about you? It'll be dangerous. I want to come with you," Rose protested.

I waved her off. "I'll be fine," I lied. "Now, do you understand?"

"No."

I raised an eyebrow. _"Do you understand?"_

Rose flinched at my tone and gulped. She gave a tiny nod.

Within a few hours, both Rose and I were drenched in sweat, and even I was panting from the exertion of the pace I'd set. But I didn't relent to Rose complaints or slow down; we needed to keep going. We'd had a very late start, and a terrible feeling of foreboding had settled over me. Something was wrong.

I wiped a hand impatiently over my face in an attempt to relieve some sweat from my brow, wiping my hands on my pants after. My heart was pounding with anxiety and eagerness for what was soon to come, just like it always did right before a hunt. It was scary, yes, but in the heat of the moment, once you get past all that fear… it was like nothing you've ever experienced before.

It gave me some satisfaction, whenever I killed one of them, to see them slowly bleed out to death, their pleas for mercy falling deaf on my ears. Why should I show mercy to the creatures that showed us none?

You would think, just as I had first thought, that only silver can slay them, but that's not the case. These aren't your stereotypical fairytale Moon's children. Silver actually strengthened them, not weakened or killed. They could be killed just like a human could – just with much more difficulty. Much, _much _more. I speak from experience.

These foul creatures didn't deserve to rule over this planet, corrupting and rotting it to its very core. They were filthy, diseased animals who disguised themselves as humans. They walked and talked and looked like humans, but really they were rotten inside. There was nothing human about them. No mercy, no compassion, no regret - nothing. They could not feel, they could not love. Only hate – hate and kill. They were savage, calculating predators with the ability to manipulate themselves into a human's form. Beasts.

I always dreamed one day of reclaiming our land, slaying all the monsters around me and standing triumphant atop a mound of their filthy, satisfyingly mutilated corpses. I dreamt of cleansing our planet of this scum and rightfully justifying my parents' - and so many others' - deaths. But no, I don't think even the slaying of a thousand wolves could make up for their loss.

A hollow feeling stabbed through me, and I struggled not to double over. _Nothing_ could ever make up for that.

Sometimes I just felt so alone in this world… I would have probably gone and killed myself off sometime long ago. Most likely a suicide mission. But I had Mariana-Rose, my little baby sister, to look after now. I could only rest when I was secure in the knowledge that she was safe and hidden from the horrors of this world.

In other words, never.

Rose and I spoke very little as we made our way through the forest. Nothing much to talk about, really. I'm afraid I may have scared her into silence with my severity, but this was how it had to be. I was not risking her and that was final.

So we trod along in silence, and I could just hear Rose fiddling around with that thing by her neck again. It was really kind of annoying. But I didn't say anything. Everyone has their nervous habits. Mine included tearing my lip to shreds with my teeth.

I frowned. Well that explains the salty tang in my mouth.

The sun was close to setting by the time I decided to stop and set up temporary camp. We were just on the edge of unfamiliar territory – perfect.

"We'll stop here for a bit," I announced.

Rose didn't respond, just dropped her gear and flopped, exhausted, onto the ground. I peered down at her, somewhat amused. "You quite comfortable enough there, Rose?"

She shot me a look from where she lay panting on the cool grass. "Very."

I grinned as only she could make me grin. "You're gonna be waking up with all sorts of cramps and knots, not to mention all the twigs and whatnot that'll be tangled up in that massive bird nest you call your hair!"

"What's wrong with my hair?" She gave me a mocking pout. "I tried styling it just after you."

I went over and patted her shoulder sympathetically. "There, there, little sissy. It's not your fault. My hair is just naturally beauteous and fantastic."

She stared at me, an incredulous smile spreading across her face. "Did you really just say _beauteous?"_

"Indeed I did." I saluted her and sauntered off to pick up her gear where she'd dropped it. It amazed me how quickly our moods and manner could change. One moment we're glaring at each other and arguing, the next we're laughing, being sarcastic, and making fun of each other. Although, the latter never lasted very long lately.

Rose let her head flop back down against the grass and I stuffed our gear behind a tree, only stopping to take out what was left of my catch from yesterday. "Squirrel?"

My sister lifted her head slightly and squinted at it. "Is it still good to eat, or are you trying to poison me now?"

I sniffed it and suddenly clutched my throat, gagging dramatically and staggering backwards, still holding the dead squirrel by its tail. "Oh my… the fumes… Rose, you may want to – ow! What was that for?" I rubbed the side of my head gingerly where the rock had struck. Rose giggled.

I grinned mischievously at her. Her eyes widened and she tried to roll to the side, but not before the squirrel struck her, straight in the face. "Curse the moon!" she yelped.

I smothered a laugh and darted around her and up a tree. "_You _can cook it now, butt-face!"

Yes, yes, I know. We were very mature.

Rose looked thoroughly offended as she peeled the dead thing from her face, without a trace of disgust. Gosh, have we really done this that often that it's gotten to that point? "_I'm _a butt-face? Goodness, have you seen your own reflection lately? Plus, you sound like a 3-year-old," giggled Rose. "What's next? You gonna come after me with your poopy diapers?"

"Now, now, don't go giving me any ideas." I snapped a twig off the tree and chucked it down at her, narrowly missing her head. "And by the way, I am beauteous."

Rose grinned and busied herself cooking up the squirrel, and soon we were feasting ravenously. It was a scrawny thing, but our stomachs weren't very big and our appetites small. It didn't even matter that there was only one – we'd seriously feasted the night before. As soon as we were finished, I told Rose to go get a couple hours rest while I would stand watch. I didn't feel very secure knowing that there were wolves probably not far behind us, and this wasn't very familiar territory.

"But you were up all night last night, Dani! You _must_ be tired," she objected.

I waved her off. "Curse the moon, Rose, I'll be fine. Just get some sleep." Rose opened her mouth to protest once more, but I cut her off before she could even begin. "We'll be going in just a few hours to stock up on some food and water. Get some sleep."

I didn't let her argue anymore, and eventually she gave up, exasperated, and went up into her tree. I smiled as she crashed immediately.

This time, the hours slipped by like minutes. Soon enough, I was shaking Rose awake once again. I shook her roughly, but at least this time she didn't fall out of her tree. She just almost rolled off but managed to catch the limb she'd been on and clung to it, upside down.

"You ready?" I asked her.

"Yes."

She dropped from the tree, landing on her feet. Her mouth was a thin line.

Before she could say anything, I said, "You're not coming with me, Rose. _End of discussion."_

I swear I heard her growl.

But if only she'd known how it really was out there... it wasn't all just smack-'em-and-run. This was life or death, with very little chance of escape and no room for error.

I ran a distasteful eye over the thick, dull club she used as her preferred weapon, always strapped to her side. "A club won't do much damage if you want a quick kill. Stabbing is more effective that whacking a wolf multiple times over the head with a stick."

I slid a dagger from my belt and held it out to her. "Take it." Rose gave me a look. "Just in case," I added quickly.

Rose looked troubled as she gripped the knife handle, and hesitated before she strapped it to her side. I gave her a curious look, but she glared at me once before turning on her heel and packing the rest of her things away in the small cove we'd dug out under a tree.

As I waited for Rose to be ready, I once again began unweaving and then weaving my long golden hair back into a French braid. It was relaxing. But then my moment of calm and serenity was broken as Rose finished up hiding away our things and strode over to me. "You ready?"

"Yeah, let's go." I jackknifed to my feet and set off immediately, not looking behind to see if she was following. However, after a moment's hesitation, I darted back quickly and snatched Dad's bow and a sheath of arrows, strapping them to my back as I jogged to get back ahead of Rose.

We didn't say a word as we tread our way carefully through the woods. I let my mind wander a bit, taking in the colorful autumn leaves and sweet scent of fall on the air. The huge trunks of trees – none of which I could identify, even though I'd been living in the woods for nearly seven years – loomed up around us, enveloping us and giving me a calm sense of security.

It gave me some comfort that we were so enclosed and isolated from the world beyond, and there were so many places to hide, so many things to mask your scent, and so many ways to escape if you were discovered. They were familiar, these woods, and I would regret leaving them. It was always hard at first, adjusting to a completely new place with all new surroundings, scents, and scenery.

After a while, we split up in opposite directions. She was no good at tracking or hunting, and I was no good at finding water or identifying edible plants.

I remembered the first forest we'd taken up residence in, like a painful blow to the chest. It may have not been a good idea to stay so close, but, we hadn't been ready to move on yet… We hadn't wanted to leave home. We were so young, and didn't know how to make some of the hard choices like the ones I've learned to make now.

We'd known it well, of course – it had been the forest right behind our house, stretching as far as the eye could see, and where Dad had used to take Jeff hunting. Where Jeff had used to take me hunting - against Dad's rules and not to his knowledge, of course. Dad's rule was no bow until you were in double digits.

But I'd always been a bit of a wild child, always tracking mud through the house with leaves and twigs tangled in my golden mess of hair, and all sorts of precious bugs and interestingly shaped rocks stuffed into my pockets, like long forgotten treasures. I'd always been outside, pretending a stick was a sword and playing my fantasized role of heroine, saving my family from horrible monsters.

Curse the moon, if only I had known.

When Jeff had come of age, Dad had given him his first bow and taken him on his first hunting trip. At first, I'd just play outside, switching my stick for a makeshift bow and arrows that were sticks. I'd never felt so alive. Then, I'd begun actually taking Dad's bow out of the shed and trying to use it, wobbling around and shooting twigs and branches in all directions.

Soon, I'd graduated to actually trying out his _arrows_ – that's when he'd finally discovered me. When Dad had found out, he'd been _furious. _I'd never seen him so angry, and didn't understand what I'd done so wrong. I still flinched at the memory, even though I knew now why he'd been so mad before. I could have seriously injured myself, or someone else.

He'd scared me so badly that day, but I couldn't keep myself away. I'd gone back to using my crude, childish toy bow and twig arrows. Dad had always hated how I was so attached to being such a… _boy_, as he put it. He was always quite snappy about my behavior and how I should be behaving like a proper woman, not some crazy wild thing looking for an adventure that would never come.

But after a while, I'd grown bored of just using my toys and twig arrows and always missing the target. I'd wanted to know what _real_ hunting was like; what it felt like to hold and see a _real_ bow in action. So one day, I'd followed Dad and Jeff into the woods, when Dad was showing Jeff how to hunt.

I'd fallen almost instantly in love.

I'd taken to following them into the woods then, day after day, watching. I'd observe them closely, and tried to mimic them back at home with my toy bow.

I don't know why, but for some reason it hadn't bothered me when I'd first seen them kill a deer. I'd never seen death before, but I'd known what it was, and I'd known that it had happened when Jeff shot that deer.

But, for some reason, it hadn't bothered me so much, even though I was barely eight when this happened. I'd often wondered if maybe there was something wrong with me, some essential piece of me missing. A normal child of my age would have been traumatized, sad - destroyed, even - wouldn't they? Crying and maybe rushing out and slapping at and screaming at their father and brother, as I had not. I'd only stayed crouched quietly in the bushes, observing with a sort of detached interest.

I was just a child though, and it wasn't long before my brother found me out. At least it wasn't Dad, though. Dad would have been… I can't even imagine what he would have been. Furious seems too weak a word. But Jeff had only seemed amused when he finally caught me. After he'd demanded what I was doing and I'd begged him not to tell Dad, he'd shoved me back in the bushes just as our father had come back from retrieving the dead rabbit he'd just shot.

I'd run off, of course, thinking I'd gotten a lucky escape. But then later Jeff sought me out, and, to my immense surprise, offered to teach me how to shoot, and to even smuggle me one of Dad's older, smaller spare bows if I was really that interested.

And so Jeff had proceeded to teaching me the basics of the bow and arrow and took me out into the woods for target practice a few times. Once he'd thought I was comfortable enough, he'd finally taken me out hunting. Obviously, we couldn't go during the day, where we'd surely be caught, so he'd resolved to take me out hunting only at night.

I wish he hadn't.

If he hadn't, we could have been there. We could have… maybe we could have saved them. I've blamed myself all these years. We could have been there… We only got back just in time to save Mariana-Rose.

If we hadn't gone out that night, we could have done something. _I _could have done something. Maybe then, Mom and Dad would still be alive.

Or, of course, we would _all_ be dead.

The only reason we were able to get Rose out was because the wolves were… busy with Mom and Dad, who were still barely clinging to life. The wolves hadn't expected two more people, much less two more _children._ But surely if we had been there in the first place, we'd have made _some _difference.

It was all my fault. They were dead, and it was all my fault. Me and my curiosity. Me and my stupid interest in hunting. If I hadn't been so interested, Jeff wouldn't have taught me how to properly use a bow and arrows; Jeff wouldn't have taken me out that night.

Suddenly, I was ripped from my thoughts by an ear-piercing scream.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I broke into a sprint, notching an arrow into Dad's bow as I ran.

_Not Rose not Rose not Rose, _I chanted furiously.

There was a scream again, this time louder as I got closer. _"Danielle!"_

As I tore through the shrubbery, my eyes wild, I heard some more distinct noises. Ahead of me was a small clearing with a stream running through it, and I could hear even Rose's whimpers now. But I could also hear growls.

Without thinking, I burst into the clearing, bow at the ready. The pale blonde wolf's head shot up at me. He had Rose pinned against a tree.

I let an arrow loose, but the wolf released Rose and ducked to the side, while my sister also ducked. The arrow buried itself in the trunk of the tree. I pulled out my knife. Before I knew it, the wolf was nearly upon me. I only just managed to dodge to the side, but it clipped me and my knife and Dad's bow went flying.

Weaponless, I charged at the wolf in blind fury, taking it by surprise and tackling it to the ground, I could hear Rose screaming, but I couldn't even think straight. Never had I ever fought a wolf with another person's life in immediate danger - much less my little sister.

There was a blur of yellow as the blonde wolf threw its weight upwards and rolled on top of me. It lifted a giant claw and brought it down. My head was snapped to the side with such force it was as if I had whiplash. My ears were ringing and I didn't feel the claws gouge my face, but I did know that there was something wet trickling into my ear.

My vision was blurred as I noticed sudden movement behind the wolf. It seemed as if everything was in slow motion as I felt rather than saw my sister drive the knife deep in the wolf's back. It howled with fury, whipping around towards my sister, leaving me gasping and bloody in the grass.

The wolf had knocked my sister to the ground, and with no sense of direction whatsoever, I moved to - I don't know, get my knife? The bow? To do _something _\- but I knew I would be too late.

My vision was just coming back as I could do nothing but watch as the beast went in for the kill.

I was vaguely aware that I was screaming.

But the wolf's teeth never made it to her throat.

Time froze. Rose grabbed my knife from the ground where it had fallen when the wolf had first charged me, and she drove it straight into the wolf's heart. It froze, mid lunge, its fangs bared. She twisted the knife and the wolf tried to howl, but all that came out was a sickening gurgle as its mouth gushed blood. A second later, time seemed to start again and the wolf's body collapsed on top of her.

I froze, locked in place, as my sister pushed the wolf off of her. But instead of getting up, she turned and began to drive the knife into the wolf again. And then the did it again. And again and again and again and again and again – countless times. The beast's blood seemed to dye Rose crimson.

I was finally able to make myself move, and I sprinted to her, grabbing my little sister by the shoulders and shaking her. "Look at me, Rose! _Look at me!_"

Sobbing she knife went limp in her hand and she collapsed against me. I took her head in my hands and held her, grabbing the knife and throwing it across the clearing. She was inconsolable now, shaking and soaked in blood.

"Shh, shhh." I held her, rocking back and forth. "You're okay now, Rosie. You're alright." I was crying too, I realized.

I knew we had to go. But I didn't want to move Rose. Not now.

"I thought I was going to _die_, Dani," she sobbed into my shoulder. "The wolf - it just - it came out of nowhere - I was just - I don't - it attacked - I didn't know what to do - I - I called – you came – it was -"

"Rose."

She stopped stuttering and looked at me. Her tears had run tracks through the blood on her face.

I looked at her with soft eyes, concealing the rapid pounding of my heart from the closeness of what had just happened. I could have lost her. "I-it's over. Y-you're okay. It's over now," I reassured her. I was fighting so hard to stay calm.

"Y-you're okay," I repeated. I wasn't quite sure who I was trying to assure more, my sister or myself. "You're okay."

Rose's lip quivered. "I d-didn't know if you would come. I didn't know if y-you would h-hear me. I-I was so scared, Dani. I was t-terrified. I was g-going to die. But you came. Y-you came," she sobbed, burying her face into my shoulder again.

I had come, but I'd almost been too late.

"I'll always come, Rosie. I'll _always_ come back for you. _Forever and always_," I pledged. "Do you believe me? Forever and always, Mariana-Rose. _I swear it."_ I was shocked to find myself repeating my father's last words to her.

Rose sobbed and nodded her head in my shoulder.

"You were right," she whispered, pulling away slightly.

I frowned, still searching her eyes to see if she was really okay. "About what?"

"I wasn't ready. I-I didn't know what it was like. I was scared, Dani... so scared," she croaked.

I looked at her sympathetically. "I know."

She continued. "But now... now I know how it is. I-I don't want to feel so scared, so powerless, s-so helpless ever again. I want to be prepared next time - strong, a-and brave, like you."

I just shook my head. I was about to respond when all of a sudden, the air was cut like a knife by a chorus of howls. And they couldn't be more than a few miles away.

Rose's eyes widened and she jumped. I stiffened, coming back to reality.

"Curse the moon," I muttered. I was paralyzed, but only for a second.

I got up, pulling Rose up with me. However, I immediately stumbled and landed back on my knees with tunnel vision.

"Dani!" Rose shrieked. She fell to her knees next to me and took my head in her hands, examining me. "You're hurt!"

"No shit," I grinded out through my teeth. I tried to get up again, slowly this time. Rose got up with me, her eyes wild with worry and fear. Now not only did she have the wolf's blood on her, but now my own blood was on her hands as well. "But I will be okay," I told her.

She shook her head frantically. "Let me help you." She reached a hand towards me again, but I jerked away.

"No!" Rose's hand dropped, and her eyes started to water again. More softly this time, I continued, "We have to go. It's not safe."

Slowly, Rose nodded. I picked up Dad's bow off the ground along with the knives. I came back to Rose and pushed the bow and one of the knives into her hands. She looked at me with wide eyes.

"Rose," I said evenly, "take these and start running back to camp."

"N-no! They'll-They'll kill you!" she said frantically.

"I'll be right behind you. Okay, Rose? I just need to get rid of this wolf's body." It took all I had in me to keep my voice calm.

She was still shaking horribly, but she was able to gather herself enough to eye me suspiciously. "Y-you're lying. You're trying to get rid of m-me."

I began to shake my head, and then stopped. Pain shot through my skull and my vision began to go again. But I continued: "They're still very far away. Plenty of time to move the body. Trust me, Rose, I'll be fine. I'll be right behind you," I lied.

"Fine," she said. "If it's s-so easy... then... I-I'll help you."

I wanted to scream. "I can do it by myself, Rose. I won't need any help."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're going to carry a grown w-wolf," she tripped over the word, "all by yourself?"

I clenched my jaw.

"I-in any case, it'll go faster if I help. A-also," she added, beginning to sob again, " I really, _really_ don't want to be l-left alone right now." At this point, she was barely even intelligible, and I softened.

I really had no choice. I didn't even need to move the body, but now I had to. Also, she was right. What kind of sister was I not to think of that?

"Come on," I said. I walked over and took her gently by the shoulders. I lifted her chin with one hand and used the other to wipe away her tears. Gently, I said, "Grab the lower body and hoist it onto your shoulder. I've got the chest and head."

Quickly, we hoisted the body up and began carrying it over to the river. I was anxious though, for the wolves were closing in, and I needed to get Rose away from here.

After we dumped the body, Rose grabbed my hand - tight. "Come on." She began sprinting back towards our make-shift camp, pulling me with her.

* * *

"We need to keep moving… Gather our things and go, right?" Rose said uncertainly. She was still quite shaken.

I was still catching my breath, and shook my head. I fell to the ground, dizzy and faint. I could definitely feel where the wolf had gouged me now. "That would be crazy, in our current state. We are both exhausted and sleep-deprived. I'd rather they catch us here, well-rested, than find us passed out miles away in the woods somewhere, vulnerable to attack and too tired to fight back."

She frowned. "I don't like it."

"Yeah, well neither do I, but we don't exactly have any good options right now - either way, the wolves will catch up to us, and there will be a fight. We have to go with the one that will give us our best chance," I reasoned.

Rose looked thoroughly frightened, as if she hadn't realized there was no clean way out of this.

I sighed and went to give her a long hug. After a while, I told her,"I'll take first watch. You get some sleep. You've got to be exhausted after your encounter with that wolf."

She pulled away, her eyes wide but tired."Shouldn't I wash myself first? And you must be exhausted too! And y-you're hurt!" She grabbed a waterskin and clean cloth and rushed towards me, taking my face in her hands.

I shook my head. "It wouldn't do any good. Just… try and get some sleep, okay? I promise I'm fine. I've got your back."

She ignored me and began to press the now wet cloth to the side of my face. I jerked away with a hiss of pain. "Sorry," Rose whispered hoarsely. Her hand was shaking.

I began to protest, but Rose saw me open my mouth and cut in quickly. "Please, just let me do this right now." She blinked away tears. I closed my mouth, but my body was still taut and I was in no mood to stay still - not after what had happened, with those wolves so close.

After a few minutes, I couldn't take it anymore. I reached up and grabbed her hand, stopping it where it was by my face. "Rose." She brought her eyes up to mine. "Go to sleep. I will be okay now. I promise."

Rose stared at me for a moment, and then slowly, she nodded. She took the cloth, now soaked with blood, and the waterskin, and turned to leave, but then stopped abruptly. She came back towards me, squinting suspiciously. "Y-you're going to leave me and go face those wolves alone."

I threw my hands up in exasperation. "I'm going to stay right here, Rose. I'll be here when you go to sleep and I'll be here when you wake up."

"You're lying."

"Rose. Would I ever lie to you?"

She thought for a moment. She was only just now beginning to calm down from our encounter. "Yes, you would, if it meant protecting me."

I put my face in my hands, ignoring the pain that was still there. After a moment, I looked up. "Rose, I'll stay right here, really. You have to trust me." It hurt lying to her so blatantly.

She hesitated. "P-promise? You-you won't leave me?"

"I wouldn't even let _Death _keep me from you," I told her with conviction.

"Oh by the moon and stars, you don't have to be so dramatic. Death can't keep us apart because you're _not_ going to die. Ever. You can't. You're invincible." She looked like she was trying to convince herself that.

I grinned weakly. "That I am. Now, _sleep._"

She narrowed her eyes at me once more, trying to see if I was being truthful about staying. I rolled my eyes. "Go - shoo!" I said impatiently.

I watched her disappear up into the trees. Just as I was turning away, she poked her head back down.

"We'll make it through this, Dani. When those wolves get here, we'll be ready. I've already killed one today, yeah? What's one more?" She gave me a shaky grin. Then, seriously, "There isn't any need for you to try and take things into your own hands. We will be fine. I have faith in us."

She was silent for so long then that I thought she'd fallen asleep. But then I heard her whisper in a cracking voice.

"Please don't leave me, Dani."

* * *

I was _so_ sure about going after those wolves myself, but seeing the utterly broken look on Rosie's face after the encounter with the blonde wolf… the absolute trust and faith she has in me… I felt so guilty I almost couldn't bear it.

But I didn't have a choice, if I wanted to have a chance of protecting her. I had to let the wolves catch my scent, so they track me, not her - the one they're really going to be looking for. I had made sure to grab a sheath of arrows and a spare bow - there was no way I was taking Dad's. It would have to be Rose's responsibility now.

I felt numb as I attempted to move stealthily through the trees. _I'm doing the right thing,_ I kept telling myself. _I have to do this. It's for Rose. I am doing the right thing. _

Those wolves will be after Rose. _She's_ the one who killed their companion. _She's_ the one whose scent is on that wolf. _She's _the one covered in this thing's blood. _She's_ the one they'll try tracking, and she's the one they will be out to kill once they find out what she's done. They may not know that their companion was dead yet, but they soon would, and they would immediately go after Rose. And there was no way in _hell_ I was allowing that.

I had to make sure they thought that _I_ was the one who killed that wolf. They needed to be hell-bent on killing _me _for revenge, not my little sister. Wolves were vengeful creatures – they would most likely be so hell-bent on revenge, they wouldn't even go after Rose. In any case, I am buying Rose as much time as my life can buy.

I could've cut my hand and used that blood to smear on the trees, but my face had begun to bleed again, so I decided to make some use of my current state. Intermittently, I pressed one hand to my face and then proceeded to smear the blood on a tree or bush as I passed. I know it wasn't exactly sanitary - probability of infection and all - but did it really even matter anymore?

_You're _not _going to die. Ever. You can't. You're invincible._

I felt a twinge as Rose's words filtered through my head, so firm, so _sure_.

I looked once more back in the direction Rose had went. This was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I knew this would probably be my last stand. I would probably never see my little sister again. I was leaving her all alone in a world gone to hell, where she would never know _anything_ normal now. Not that she knew much normal _now_.

Could she even survive without me? Would my babying her all these years now be the death of her? More tears burned at the back of my throat as I refused to believe it, clinging to the belief that she was strong enough and smart enough to make it on her own.

I _had_ to leave her now. I _had_ to do this. I thought always I'd be there for her, all her life, always there to catch her when she fell, protect her when times got tough. I'd promised myself I'd never leave her alone. And now I was breaking that promise.

My baby sister. My little Rosie.

As if on cue, I heard a howl in the distance, closer now than before. My heart was racing. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. As soon as I opened my eyes, I took off at a sprint, running diagonal to the howls, tripping through the woods.

I had never been this scared of a hunt in my life. _Maybe,_ I thought to myself, _it's because this time _they're _the predators and _you're _the prey now._

I didn't even bothering trying to be stealthy or quiet any more – I was too panicked and too injured for that. I stumbled blindly, dizzily, and loudly through the woods. Even if I were to bother with stealth, I didn't know myself where I was going. I just focused on heading off the wolves.

Twigs caught in and pulled at my hair, seeming to scratch every inch of bare skin they could find. I stubbed my toe, tripping again, but ignored the brief flash of pain and just bit my lip and kept going, ducking under a branch, my grace long gone.

I heard howls again, but this time they were different. They were those of a wolf who had just picked up a scent. _Yes, good, follow me,_ I encouraged them silently. I veered off more to my right and picked up speed.

* * *

My lungs felt like they were about to explode as I burst into a clearing, only to skid to a stop. My head whipped around wildly in panic, and I let out a little gasp of breath. I was so pumped with the adrenaline, I barely noticed the pain anymore.

It was a dead end.

I was faced with a huge, soaring cliff edge – an impenetrable wall. It spanned across the clearing and further, as far as the eye could see. There was no going around it. I hadn't seen it because the tree tops had been too high and thick.

I swore, trying not to lose my cool. Any other time, I would have been much, much less panicked. But this time I had my sister on the line, and I needed to give her as much time to get away as possible. And there were _two_ wolves after us, not one. _And_ they were out for revenge. _And_ one of them was an Alpha, which I'd never faced before in all my years of hunting. I had only ever really fought loners.

They were _not_ going to touch my sister.

I couldn't lose her. I'd spent my whole _life_ trying to keep her safe.

My heart was thudding almost painfully in my chest – I had maybe seconds. Accepting the situation, I turned slowly away from the cliff face, drawing my knife. Blood dripped into my eye. I would have to make do.

_Not a bad place to die_, I thought briefly.

Two hulking figures crashed through the trees and into the clearing.

Almost immediately, I felt all eyes lock on me. The Alpha froze at the edge of the clearing, the white wolf behind her. I decided to call him Oreo in my head, because his fur coat resembled that of an oreo cookies &amp; cream blizzard.

I held my ground as Alpha and Oreo took me in. Dust-coated, blood-painted, scratched and bruised, pouring rivulets of sweat from every pore

Oreo's lips drew back into a snarl, and I matched it. I was surprised they both hadn't launched themselves at me on sight. Alpha glanced back at Oreo and they seemed to be having a silent conversation. It was unnerving.

I had to fight two wolves - one of them an Alpha - and hold them off long enough to give my sister time to flee. Not to mention I hadn't slept in over 48 hours. And I was injured. And I'd just sprinted what I judged to be a couple miles.

I was _so _screwed.

I don't know how long we'd all been standing there, sizing each other up, but I'd had enough of it. I drew out my hunting knife – the one Rose had used to kill the wolf – still crusted with the blonde monster's blood.

I was so, _so_ scared. The only thing that was keeping my mind steady right now was the fact that I had to save Rose.

On a limb, I decided to piss the wolves off some more. I waved the knife a bit at them. "Yeah, you see this?" I gave a wicked grin and brought the blade up to my mouth, flicking my tongue out to catch some blood off the metal. I spat. "Foul, that. Vile blood for vile creatures, I suppose."

I knew they could understand me, and it took only a second for them to register what I was saying. Before Alpha could stop him, Oreo flung himself the short distance at me.

I braced myself and side stepped a little, only to stick out my hands and twist Oreo's fur into my fingers, using his momentum to spin. I both felt and heard his fur rip, my nails gouging into his side, and he was thrown clear into the trees to my right. Similarly, the momentum caused me to stumble and fall dizzily backwards, although I caught myself on my hands. A stab of pain in my right wrist told me I'd sprained it - possibly even broken it.

Obviously, Oreo was very young and rash, untrained, controlled by his temper. And prideful. Because within a second he struggled to his feet and rushed me once again, more furious now than ever.

I got up and this time, I turned to my left and ran, leading him a little ways from the cove. I pushed a full sprint, stumbling a bit, but I knew Oreo was gaining on me quickly. I swerved to the side just slightly.

You could call me suicidal, but I was going for "capricious" or "spontaneous" in my attempts to both stay alive and distract the wolves as long as possible. The Alpha was definitely _not _expecting me to charge straight at her.

She'd been eyeing us carefully with smoldering, intelligent eyes. But I guess she wasn't intelligent enough to register the fact that I was running straight at her to jump to the side before I hit. Her golden eyes widened slightly, but it was too late.

I barreled directly into her side, and we rolled hunter over hunted into the trees. I'm not exactly sure who was which anymore.

With a snarl, Oreo smashed into us both, too. The impact was dizzying, and I felt his claws rake my side and I felt the crack of my nose as it was broken against a tree.

I untangled myself quickly and lashed out blindly with my knife. I heard a yelp and gave a fierce grin. I wondered if I looked a little crazy.

Oreo tried to throw himself at me again, but Alpha had gotten nimbly to her feet and stepped in front of him, eyeing me warily.

I gave a shaky laugh. I didn't even stand a _chance_ at winning, but the only way to buy a little more time was if I gave in a little to my insane side. "Weren't expecting that, were you?"

Why was I talking to them? I didn't know. Plus, why should I treat them with any civility after what they and the rest of their race had done? But the Alpha's eyes studied me and Oreo's eyes took on a challenging glint.

There must have been something in my eyes, because Alpha glanced into the trees in the direction of where Rose was. She looked back at me quickly like she'd just won the jackpot. _She knew_.

_Of course_ she knew there was another human. Our camp had shown evidence of _two_ humans, not one. And she had just realized that second human was missing, and was now trying to gauge where said missing human was.

I felt it in the deepest pits of my heart. She could see my recklessness, my guardedness, me playing with them. I was obviously trying to buy someone time - no one was this crazy, this suicidal. To her, it was just a matter of who. But now, not only had she realized there was a second human, she'd found my only weakness.

Everything seemed to be in slow motion as Alpha took off like a shot, darting easily around me before I could react. There was an ear splitting sound, and I realized I'd screamed. My hands lashed out, grabbing empty air, ignoring the pain. Completely forgetting Oreo, I turned my back on the white wolf and threw myself in the direction of the Alpha.

I reached to my back, into my cracked sheat of arrows. Rather than scramble frantically for an arrow that was not snapped in half already, I yanked out a handful and notched them all as best I could on my bow.

And I let the arrows fly.

I hated them. I hated them with a deep, burning passion, and I hoped that would work to my advantage. These filthy creatures needed to die.

One or two of the arrows, broken, went flying in different directions. One or two others - these ones whole - did the same.

I didn't get to see if any of the arrows had hit their target, because at the same exact time, an enormous weight crashed into me from behind, and razor sharp claws raked my skin all over. The bow was thrown from my hands and I fell on my chest to the ground, right onto my injured hand. I refused to cry out, but blind with panic for my sister and fury at myself for letting the Alpha get past me, strength rushed through me. It was like I'd been asleep until then, and someone had just poured a bucket of ice cold water on me.

I rolled over, clawing at Oreo with my injured hand while holding him off the best I could with the other. Knowing I was no match for his claws, I shoved the white wolf away and jackknifed to my feet, causing me to lose my balance for a split second.

Oreo was right behind me, seemingly filled with newfound fury, and before he was even fully on his feet, he rammed his head into my chest, sending me flying and knocking the breath out of me. I was sure a couple of my ribs had cracked.

Oreo seemed super pissed. But I had desperation on my side. Desperation, and a hatred that ran so deep it consumed me.

I missed the trees and landed on my feet, but only for a moment. I didn't even have time to register the fact that I'd now broken my ankle as well. The momentum sent me down I crash-rolled in between the trees. I was surprised my neck didn't snap clean off, I rolled so many times. Not to mention all the rocks I hit. I was seeing stars as I stumbled blindly to my feet.

But Oreo was already there and he swiped out an enormous paw at me. The pain was so searing it I couldn't think – he'd raked my chest.

I heard a snarl and stuck out my hands just in time to, by sheer luck, catch Oreo around the jaws. I couldn't see, I couldn't feel, I couldn't even stand - but I would _not _be Turned.

I would either die human, or not at all.

I took fistfuls of his fur from his head in both fists and pulled him toward me in a jarring head-butt. My skull exploded with pain, but I ignored it. Oreo fell back dizzily, and I took that moment to dart back into the clearing for the Alpha. However, my quick movement had caused me to fall back to the ground, light-headed from all the blood I was losing.

However, I was intent on seeing what had become of the other wolf. I would never forgive myself if I let that thing get near my sister.

I furiously wiped the sticky, crimson liquid from my eyes, only getting a glimpse of a huge mass of brown splayed out near the treeline before I heard rustling behind me. I whipped around and just caught Oreo as he launched himself at me in blind fury. His teeth flashed as we hit the ground, but I dodged his bite.

I was pushing almost past the point of no return in stores of energy as I used some of the last of my strength to roll on top of the white wolf. I reached to my back, remembering my cracked sheath, and pulled out an arrow, spearing it into his shoulder with a savage snarl. He deserved a lot worse, and I was planning on giving him a torturous death like no other.

I was straddling him and reaching for another arrow when he suddenly pulled back his head and threw all his weight forward, knocking me off of him. My teeth rattled as I hit the ground, my shoulder popped and my arm twisted painfully beneath me.

Oreo hauled himself up and snarled. Not allowing me to recover, he lifted one massive paw and brought it down on my head, just as I was getting up. My head snapped back and I crumpled to the ground from my half-standing up position.

All of a sudden, the past 48 hours of sleeplessness came crashing down upon me with an unbearable weight. I'd been running on adrenaline for the last 2 days, but now I was far past my breaking point. Without another sound, my world was swallowed by a blissful darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The first thing that came back to me through the darkness was my sense of smell. It smelled of grass, and sweet flowers, like a meadow. The air was crisp and clean, and as I took a deep breath, my sense of taste also came back. And then, as if it were the domino effect, all of my senses came back to me at once. The long grass tickled my bare arms, as well as my legs and neck. I could hear birds singing and the wind whistling through the trees. Suddenly, I jerked upright with a sneeze.

I opened my eyes, but it was very bright, so I ended up squinting into the sunlight. My hair was down, tickling my face in the wind, and I was wearing a summer dress. I tried to get my bearings, and I think it was safe to say I was outside. The sun was warm on my face, and slowly I adjusted to the light.

I was indeed in a meadow, the long green grass swaying in the breeze, the same breeze that carried the sweet scent of various flowers that I could see were scattered throughout the field. In the distance, I could see a building. A very, very familiar building.

It was a farmhouse. It seems that maybe once long ago it was a very bright and cheery yellow, but the years had worn away until the house was just very pale, worn looking. The shutters may have been a dark, forest green at some point in time, but they, like the paint of the house itself, had not been spared by the long years, and were now a faded. I was in the backyard, it seemed, although I would not necessarily call it that. The house was the only house to be seen for miles, though of course you couldn't even see one mile, as the farmhouse was nestled in a clearing surrounded by towering trees.

It was home.

I stared, my mouth agape with wonder. Just then, the back door, it's white paint chipped and peeling, opened. Still, I sat in the meadow, and watched incredulously as a large black and brown brindle boxer raced down the wooden steps and out into the field, closely followed by a laughing little girl.

She looked to be six, with wild, curly brown hair that couldn't possibly be tamed. And even though I couldn't see her eyes from here, I knew that they were a soft, warm brown, sparkling with mischief and laughter, as I would recognize that little girl anywhere. It was Rose.

Little Rose wore a dress like me, emblazoned with pretty flowers and designs. No doubt Mother had forced her into it, as Rose was never a big fan of pretty dresses. Barefoot, she skipped through the grass, chasing after the dog, who I recognized to be Taz. I smiled. It felt like I hadn't seen him in ages.

Movement back at the house drew my attention, and I looked to see a pretty young woman with dark red hair, greying prematurely at the roots, which I knew to be dyed from it's original light blonde. She was poking her head out the door, apron on and flour on her face, and she yelled something to Rose that I couldn't hear. Rose turned to her with a grin and shouted something back, and my mother grinned at her in turn, before shaking her head and closing the door.

My heart swelled at the sight of my mother, and I began to get up to run through the door and into her arms. It had been so long…

Hadn't it?

I was momentarily confused.

No it hadn't, a voice inside me chided. You only saw her just an hour ago, after you had breakfast and went to go play outside.

I frowned. That didn't feel right.

However, before I could think any further, a little boy came running out of the woods. His dark brown hair was a mess, whipping in the wind. He seemed to be about ten years old, and was holding what looked to be a small bow, and he has a small quiver of arrows strapped to his back. He was grinning, running to the house with a brown sack slung over his shoulder. He was intercepted by Rose, who had stopped chasing Taz and was eyeing him curiously. They were just close enough for me to hear them speak.

Rose spoke first. "What's that you got there, Jeff?" she asked, her voice young and high-pitched.

"It's my first catch!" Jeff exclaimed. His grin was so wide, I thought his face might split. He took the bag from his shoulder and shook it triumphantly in the air.

Rose's eyes widened with awe. "Wow! Can I see?" she asked eagerly.

Jeff eyed her for a second superiorly. "I suppose," he said after a moment, but it was clear he would have shown her whether she had asked him or not. He was immensely proud. He opened up the bag and let his youngest sister look inside.

"Ew!" she squealed, her face screwing up in disgust. "It's all gross and nasty looking!"

Jeff rolled his eyes. "It's dead, moron. That red stuff is blood."

"I know what blood is, Jeffey," Rose huffed. "It's still yucky."

Jeff just shrugged and grinned, his dark brown eyes twinkling. "I'm going to go show mom!" He took off back towards the house, with Rose trying miserably to keep up with him. Taz saw them running and also gave chase, causing Rose to laugh and indulge him in another game of tag.

I smiled fondly as I watched them run off. I definitely had to go join them - I wondered what Jeff had caught! Was it a squirrel, or a rabbit? I wanted to see! In addition, I felt we very much needed to catch up with each other. It had been so long. I had missed him greatly.

Why would you need to catch up? the voice inside of me chided again. He's your brother, you see him every day. In fact, you were playing a game of tag with him and Rose just yesterday.

I rubbed my temples. Of course, how silly of me. There was nothing to catch up about. I grinned and took a step forward.

"Danielle."

I stopped. The voice had come from behind me, but I wasn't sure if I was imagining it.

"Dani."

I turned around, and there he was.

"Dad!" I exclaimed. I felt my face light up and I began to run towards him. He was only a few feet away.

His face crinkled with a smile, but what made me stop was this - it was a sad smile. Why was he sad? I took another step forward, my hand outstretched, but once again his face made me stop. I searched his eyes.

"What's wrong, Daddy?" I asked tentatively.

He shook his head, hooking his thumbs into the belt loops of his overalls. I stood there, hand still outstretched, for what seemed like years. Finally, he spoke.

"You've grown so much since I last saw you, Dani," he said softly.

I tilted my head, confused. Since he last saw me? But he saw me just yesterday! Surely I hadn't shot up several feet in my sleep. I dropped my hand, taking another step forward.

Again, Dad shook his head, and he raised his brown eyes to my green ones. He and Jeff shared the same eyes. Still, his were sad. "You have no idea how much I would love to hold you right now, my sweet little girl. But please, do not come any closer yet. Not before you've made your choice."

Finally, I found my voice. "Choice?" I choked. "What choice? Why can't I touch you, Daddy?" I was beginning to panic.

Dad gave me a long look, seeming to contemplate on how to say something. "You have to decide whether or not to stay," he said after a time.

I frowned. "Why wouldn't I want to stay? Where else would I want to go?"

Dad remained silent.

"Daddy?"

Silence.  
"Daddy!" I cried. I took a step forward, but didn't stop this time, even as he shook his head pleadingly.

"Dani, no, please," he begged. "You can't touch me, not yet."

It was too late. I threw myself at him, desperately wishing for the reassurance of his touch. However, I cried out as I was met with no resistance and landed jarringly in the grass. I turned onto my back and rubbed my sore shoulder. When I looked up, my dad was still in the exact same place he had been before, but this time his eyes were closed and he looked even more sad than he had before, if that were possible. He seemed almost in pain.

"Dad?" My voice was tiny. I got back up onto my feet and stepped towards him again, a pressure building in my chest.

I reached towards him with my hand, and he seemed to squeeze his eyes shut tighter, and a tear finally found a way down his cheek.

My hand passed right through him.

Again, I tried to reach out and touch him, and again, my hand passed right through him, and I felt nothing. I gasped, tears beginning to form in my eyes.

Dad took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He was also crying. "I'm so sorry, Danielle. I wanted to spare you that pain. Spare us both."

I shook my head, backing away. My tears were falling freely now, and I choked back a sob. "Why can't I touch you, Daddy? Daddy, why can't I touch you?" My voice was shrill with panic. "What's happening?"

He raised his eyes to meet mine. "You have not yet passed completely into this world."

I fell to the ground, overwhelmed with panic and confusion.

"Danielle…" he began softly. He kneeled down in the grass in front of me. "I know you don't want to, but you need to let yourself remember."

I looked up at him through my curtain of hair, my vision blurry. "Remember what?" I choked.

He gave me a long, kind look before speaking again. "Dani… I… I'm… I've passed on, sweetheart. Remember?" He shut his eyes for a moment. "You know this… you were there."

I gasped. I felt like I couldn't breathe. No. No. You can't be dead. You can't be. But in my heart I knew it was true, and I sobbed. I did remember, I did, I realized. That horrible night came slamming back into me, and I let out a terrible wail. I reached for my dad again, but my hands passed through him and I cried out again.

I couldn't breathe. I wanted my daddy. I was scared. I was confused. I wanted my dad, but he was dead. But he was here and I was speaking to him but I couldn't touch him, but he seemed so real.

"What's happening to me?" I wailed, my voice breaking.

"Dani. Dani, look at me. Look at me, Danielle."

I tried to wipe my eyes to clear my vision. Dad looked devastated, but resolute, as if he knew this had to be done.

"Danielle," he began. "You… you… died." He said the last word very softly.

My eyes widened. "I… wha-"

"I know you're confused. If you are dead, then why can't you touch me? What are we doing here sitting around instead of going to the house so you can see your mother again?"

I began to speak, but instead stopped and merely nodded, sniffling.

"You are dead, Dani… but at the same time… you're not."

I shook my head. I was completely out of my depths here. The tears has stopped flowing so freely, but my face was still wet.

"How… how can I be dead but… but still not be… dead?" I asked, my eyes wide. This was way too much.

Dad sighed. "It's… complicated."

I was beginning to feel light-headed. I realized I was hyperventilating. "Well uncomplicate it!" I pleaded.

"The best way to explain it is this, Dani. You are strong, very strong. You died - you did. Or - you should have. But a part of you kept holding on, against all odds. Now, I don't know everything. I don't know why you held on, or what for, or if you even meant to, but this puts you in a unique position."

I couldn't find my voice, and so he continued. "You are left with a choice, as I know I have already told you. You can... succumb to your injuries, you can succumb to… death… and stay here, in this meadow, in this house, with me, and your mother. There will be no more pain or worry or running or fear or responsibility. You can stay here with us."

"You have gone through things, Dani. So many awful, horrible things that no child should ever have had to go through. You have been through traumas and seen horrors that most would not have been able to live through, and yet you did. You were saddled with the responsibility of a parent at much too young of an age, and your childhood was taken from you. Essentially, your life was taken from you, and it only became about survival. It shouldn't have been like that, Dani… and I am so, so sorry."

I gulped, and I wanted to reach out to him, but I knew I couldn't. I needed his touch right now, and I know he wanted mine as well, but I'm not sure either of us could keep it together if I tried to touch him again.

He continued. His eyes had been shut this entire time, and every word he said seemed to pain him. But now, he looked me right in the eyes. "But you can also go back."

I shook my head incredulously, tears swimming in my eyes once again. Why in the world would I want to go back? My father, my long dead father that I've missed so much, has just told me that I can stay here with him, and go see my also long dead mother, and never leave. I would never have to worry again, never have to fear, never have to feel pain. I wouldn't be responsible for anything anymore. I would be free.

"Why… why would I go back?" I voiced.

Dad shook his head. "I am not the one you should be asking. You held on for a reason, and only you know what that reason is. But I am willing to bet it is probably a really damn good one."

"I…" I started. I was going to tell him that I had absolutely no clue, but then it hit me.

Rose.

She was the whole reason for my fight with the wolves. I had to distract them. I had to save her. And… I'd promised her that I'd find her again. Forever and always, I had told her. I hadn't realized I would actually have the option to keep that promise. If I left her… if I stayed here… she would be all alone. My little Rosie… all alone, in this cruel, monster-infested world. I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't.

But… Dad… Mom… they were both here. I wouldn't have to worry, or fear, or be responsible anymore. I could be with them again. I was so, so tired… and if I stayed… I could finally be free.

I swallowed the lump that had been building in my throat. "Rose," I whispered.

Countless emotions flew across my dad's face before he settled on a look that begged a question.

"I held on because of Rose," I elaborated. My voice was hoarse and the words came slowly. "She… I was fighting for her, trying to distract the wolves so she could have a chance to get away… I promised her I'd find her again." I looked up into my father's eyes.

He nodded in understanding. "So you have a decision to make," he said, his voice filled with sympathy.

I new wave of tears washed over me. "Oh, Daddy, what do I do?" I cried.

He made a motion to hold me, but stopped. He knew he couldn't. He took a deep breath. "I can't tell you what to do, sweetie," he said. "I can only tell you that once you make the choice, there is no going back, and if you choose to try and live, there is no guarantee you will even be able to."

"I - what?"

"If you choose to try and live… the key word being try… it will be very painful. I do not know the details exactly, but I know it will not be pleasant. You will be returning to a beaten and broken body that should have died, and that is no small task. And…" he seemed to choke now, "if you should fail… if you choose to try and go back, but you fail…"

"What?" I asked. "What will happen if I can't do it?" I pleaded. He was scaring me.

"If you were to fail…" Dad took a breath. "If you failed… you would be lost."

"Lost?" I inquired.

He nodded his head solemnly. "Lost," he repeated. "Lost, as in… done."

"D-done?"

"You would be neither alive nor dead. Yes, I know that I said you were in limbo now, but what I mean, is… your soul would be lost. Neither here nor there, or anywhere. You would be nothing. You would simply cease to exist. Not even your spirit would remain."

I felt like I was going to throw up. Lost. Nothing. Not even a spirit.

I began backing away from him "No no no no no no no no no no no no no," I said, my voice rising. I was shaking my head. Actually, my whole body was shaking. How the hell was I supposed to make this decision?

It's easy, part of me said. Why go back to that world of hurt, and risk losing your soul, when you can easily stay here and be reunited with your parents again, forever?

I knew that was true. The choice was obvious.

But at the same time… Rose.

I wouldn't even let Death keep me from you, I had told her. And here I am, faced with the decision to either keep or break my word.

I looked at my father once again and my heart broke. It had been so long. Oh god, did I miss him. The last image I'd had of him for the last 7 years had been his horrible, mangled body…

Forever and always, he'd told me.

Forever and always, I had told Rose.

Rose. Rose. Rose. Rose. Rose.

I glanced back at the house and saw my mother through the window in the kitchen. I couldn't breathe. It was like nothing had changed in the seven years since I had last seen her.

I could stay here. I could stay here with them. I could accept this - death - and go and hug my father. Go and kiss my mother. For the first time in seven years. I could be with them forever. Oh, how I ached inside. It would be so easy…

"Danielle?" my father asked worriedly.

I knew my answer. It was obvious. Or, I thought it was.

Promise? You won't leave me?

I fell to my knees, covering my face. I could see her big, sad brown eyes - pleading.

"Dani - are you -?"

Please don't leave me, Dani.

I looked up at him.

He understood almost immediately.

"I have to go back," I whispered hoarsely, my voice cracking. He stood there for a moment as I got to my feet.

I was crying. "I promised her I wouldn't leave her, Daddy. I promised."

His face crumpled - he was crying too. He had been hoping against hope that I would stay here, with him. But slowly, he nodded.

"I'm sorry Daddy! I am so, so sorry. You have no idea how badly I want to stay here and do archery with you and hug you and kiss mom and chase Taz and -"

"It's okay, sweetie," he interrupted me, quietly.

"I -" I broke off, sobbing uncontrollably. Dad moved towards me, kneeling with me, although he didn't touch me.

"Dani," he said softly. "Dani, please look at me."

I obeyed and lifted my head, tears still streaming down my face.

He was looking at me with such love, such pride, it was almost unbearable. I was choosing to leave him. He didn't have a choice when he left me, but now I did have a choice and I was choosing to leave him.

However, when he spoke, it was not with accusation or anger. He spoke sadly, yes, but he also spoke strongly, with a staggering amount of pride in his voice. "I am so, so proud of you Danielle. I know I wish you would stay here, but making this choice… this choice is just another thing you should never, ever have had to deal with. I am selfish for wanting you to stay, and I know you want to stay too, but instead you are taking the selfless path and risking your very being to get back to your sister. And I can't even tell you just how brave that is. I love you, so much, Danielle. And your mother does, too."

I sniffed, and reached out for him one last time, knowing nothing would happen. He smiled sadly at me, but it was a happy kind of sad. I began to get up with him. I couldn't speak.

"In order to get back, you have to go into the woods."

I found my voice again. "A-and then what?"

His mouth twitched. "You walk."

"That's it?" He nodded. "I just… walk?"

"You keep walking. You walk and walk and you cannot stop, Danielle. I must warn you of that."

"Why not?"

"You cannot stop - not even for a second. Because if you do - if you hesitate for just a moment - it will be over. Once you walk into those woods, there is no coming back. You cross that treeline, and you have to start walking and you cannot stop. You will see things, Danielle. Horrible, devastating, terrible things. I don't know exactly what, but you cannot stop for them - you cannot stop for anything." He said this very sternly, so much that I almost flinched.

"It will not be a fun journey, Danielle. You will doubt yourself, you will wish you had stayed here, you will wish for death. It will be very painful. You will be tested, Dani - mind, body, and soul. But you cannot stop."

I was breathing very quickly, but I nodded. I was already beginning to doubt my decision, but I had to do this. I had to. Don't leave me, she'd pleaded.

My father gave me one last, long, hard look. "Are you absolutely sure about this, Danielle?"

I took a deep breath. I hesitated, and I almost said no. Who could be sure about turning their back on something they have been dreaming of for seven years, just to go through a horrible and traumatic journey back to a world that, in its essence, was hell? I was choosing hell over heaven, and I may not even make it back. It could all be for nothing - because I could potentially become nothing. But despite all of this, I found myself nodding.

Dad's face softened and he held out a hand to me. I reached mine out in turn, and even though we could not feel each other, it was still comforting in a way.

"I love you, Daddy," I whispered, my voice cracking and barely audible.

He smiled. "I love you too, Danielle."

He began to turn, but I stopped him. "Can-can't I see mom again, one last time, before I go?"

Dad turned back to me, slowly shaking his head. "I'm sorry Danielle, but you can't."

I began to get upset again. "Why-?"

He cut me off. "If you go to that house, you will not be coming out of it. Not alive - or, half-alive, as it is."

"Can't she come out here?" I asked desperately. "Go and get her! Please."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Danielle."

"No!" I cried. "I want to see Mom! I saw you again, why can't I see Mom?" I began to march my way towards the house, but Dad ran in front of me. I knew I could just walk through him, but I stopped. He looked devastated.

"Dani…" he began. "I know you want to see your mother again. And I know that all she wants to do is to see you too. But if you are sure you want to go back, you can't see her again. Not yet."

I began to get angry with him. I knew it wasn't his fault, but I couldn't help it.

He continued, more softly this time. "This isn't the last time you will see us, sweetie. We will be here, waiting for you - whether it be days or months or years from now. We will be here." He smiled. "Just make sure you make it back to your body and your sister in one piece."

I stared at him, struggling once again.

"We will be here, love. We will."

My lip began to tremble.

"It's okay, honey," he said softly. "I promise. You are strong. You will be okay."

Tears streaming down my face, I nodded. Tentatively, I reached for my father again, and his hand met with mine. Still nothing. My dad, my long dead dad whom I had missed so much it hurt, smiled at me one last time.

And then he turned, and he was gone.

I stood there looking after him for a long time. I watched him make his way back to the house and greet my mother. He did not look back. I did not blame him - it would only increase the pain. I was determined not to look back either.

I don't know how long I stayed there, staring out at my childhood. But finally, I was able to snap myself from my reverie and I turned my back. I turned my back on my mom, my dad, my house, my life, my childhood. I stepped forward into the forest.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The forest was exactly how I remembered it. I knew every tree, leaf, bush, and stone. I saw the tree I'd climbed and fallen from, breaking my arm. I recognized the tree in which my initials were carved. Ironically, my initials were D.A.M., which pretty much sums up my life. I walked over to this tree and began to race Jeff's initials, which were above mine - J.D.M. Rose's were below mine - M.N.M. I found Rose's initials funny too, as they sound like M&amp;M candies.

This didn't seem too bad... but I had only just begun walking. I moved on from the tree and went deeper into the familiar woods. I seemed to walk for an eternity, and I could feel myself growing more and more tired with each step. But, like my dad had said, I had to keep moving.

After a while of walking, I spotted movement. I tensed, wondering if I was about to be attacked - Dad had said I would be tested, but he hadn't specified how. However, it turned out to only be a deer.

Instinct and training told me to assume a stealth-like manner and string my bow, ready for a quick and clean kill. It was a beautiful deer, and it would look even more beautiful over a fire and feeding Rose and I. But I didn't have a bow. Or arrows. And Rose was not anywhere near me.

Before I could think any further though, I noticed another flash of movement behind the deer.

This time, it was a person.

I had never, ever seen another person out here before besides Rose and Jeff. Ever. Alarmed, I reached for my bow again, only to find that it was not there. I was still in the dress with my hair down. Funnily enough, it was just now that I noticed I was barefooted. Without any weapon though, I began to panic and looked around wildly for a place to hide. Quickly, I darted behind a towering oak tree. Only, it didn't seem like the person had noticed me.

In fact, the person looked strangely familiar. I peered a little closer. Her hair was pulled back, but I could still tell that it was blonde. She was young - younger than me. But only by a few years. She was notching an arrow into her bow, and she was focused intently on the deer…

Several things happened at once. I leaned forward to try and further examine this stranger, and I heard a crack - like someone had stepped on a twig. The deer's head shot up from where it had been grazing, and in a split second, it had disappeared into the brush. At the same time the twig had snapped, the girl's head jerked in my direction and aimed her bow now similarly, letting the arrow fly. I cried out, ducking - and I heard somebody else cry out behind me. "_Oi!"_

Still crouched, I looked behind me to see a boy just getting up from where he had dropped to avoid the arrow, which was now buried in the tree directly behind him. It looked as if the arrow had almost taken off his head.

I began to panic again - who were these people? Not only was there one person, but _two! _Two _people! _That was more than I had ever seen before!

Trapped between the two, I could do nothing but stand there. I knew I should move - I was in an immense danger zone between to absolute strangers, one of which was armed and had demonstrated she was lethal. It was stupid, me standing there like I was a deer. I think there was a saying once… like a deer in the headlights? It had been so long since I had even thought about headlights or cars. But, like I said, it was stupid - but I was frozen.

The boy who had been shot at was moving slightly closer, his hands up in surrender. He was looking at me, but he didn't seem to see me. No, he wasn't looking _at_ me… he was looking _through _me. Now that he was closer, I could see some of his features. He, oddly enough, also looked very familiar.

Dark, messy hair - overgrown and tangled. Similarly dark eyes, wide with long lashes. Big, bushy eyebrows and thin lips. Dark skin covered in scratches and bruises. A splash of freckles across his wide nose. He had a birthmark on his nose, at the inner corner of where his eyes and nose met.

I gasped.

"_Dev?" _I whispered incredulously.

No - it couldn't be. Dev was _dead._ I had _watched_ him die.

But here he was, standing in front of me with his arms raised, and a lopsided grin on his face despite the fact that he was about to be shot at again with a bow and arrow.

Wait.

I… _what?_

I _remembered_ this. I _remembered_ this happening.

My head whipped back towards the girl and my chest constricted.

The girl with the bow and arrows was _me_. She was younger, with wide, scared eyes and her arms shaking - but she was _me._ She was me when I was… god, I must have been - what? _Twelve? _But she was definitely me.

"Jesus, you almost shot my head off! Calm down, haven't you ever seen a person before?" Dev laughed.

Young me just stared, bow still taught.

Dev lowered his hands, beginning to frown. "Seriously, it's okay… I'm not going to hurt you or anything."

"_Show me your eyes!"_ young Danielle yelped.

Dev took another step forward.

"Stop where you are or… or I-I'll shoot!" twelve-year old me shouted.

Dev laughed, unphased by the weapon being pointed at him. "How can I show you my eyes if I'm a hundred yards away?"

Little me narrowed her eyes suspiciously. After a moment, she gave a quick nod. Dev began to move forward, slowly though. When he was about ten feet from her, he stopped. He took his hands to one eye and opened that eye wide.

"Just brown, see? No silver. It's okay. Just plain brown eyes. The color of poop." Little Danielle almost gave way to a grin, and Dev began laughing again. "See! No harm."

_I've never met another human out here before._

"I've never met another human out here before," twelve-year old Danielle said hoarsely, still grinning from his earlier comment. She lowered her bow.

No no no no no no _no_. This could not be happening. Dev was _dead._ This was _years_ ago. This literally could _not_ be happening.

I knew what Dev was going to say before he even said it. Because he already _had _said it - more than two _years_ ago. "Really? Wow… I mean, I haven't met many people since - well, you know - but… you've never met _anyone?_" Dev was absolutely astounded. It was almost funny, actually.

That's it. I couldn't do this. I could _not_ stand here and watch this all over again. It was a memory - a _memory, _I realized. None of this was real. I was trying to get back to Rose. Was - was _this _my test? I didn't understand. Why was I seeing a memory? How would _this_ test me and help me get back to my little sister?

Regardless of what was happening, there was no way I was staying. I turned and began to run, just as twelve-year old Danielle began to respond. "Who _are_…" and my own tiny voice was lost with distance.

* * *

My heart racing, I ran. I ran and I ran and I ran. This was crazy. I had thought I was going to face some huge monster - another Alpha or something that I would have to beat in order to make it back to my body. But _memories? _I was _not_ prepared.

I hadn't run very far before I tripped and caught myself on a tree, wheezing. I had never before felt so utterly drained, _exhausted. _I had barely even gone far!

"So these are called Oreos?"

"Mhmm."

"Why are they called Oreos? That's such a weird name."

"Idunno."

"Where did you get them?"

"I stol dem."

"Curse the moon, can you swallow already?"

"Fine! I stole them."

"How?"

"Carefully."

"Come on, Dev!"

I whipped my head in the direction of the voices. They were very close. I creeped up a couple trees and there I was… There _we _was - were. Sitting by a fire, Dev's pack open and Oreos sitting on the ground between us.

"Okay, okay!" Dev relented, laughing. "Story time."

Little Danielle grinned at her victory.

Dev leaned forward and his face got all serious-like. "So I was wandering through the woods, right? Well, not wandering - hunting. I think. You know what? I don't even remember what I was doing." Little me giggled and Dev grinned. He grinned a lot. "Well anyway, I was strolling through the woods and all of a sudden the trees started to become thinner, you know? So I was like "ahhh the world is ending" - just kidding - no, I knew I was getting close to a road. Also, the world had already ended - am I right?"

Little Danielle had been giggling, but now she frowned slightly. "What's a road? It sounds familiar."

Dev's eyes went wide. "You don't even know what a road is?"

Little Danielle blushed. "We lived far away from other people, in the woods. We moved there when I was very little. Roads are the things cars drive on, right?"

Dev nodded. "Yeah. This one was asphalt. Cement. Tar. It was really hard and black - a highway."

Danielle was concentrating, reaching back into her memories so she could follow what he was saying.

"Well, I reached this road and it was totally abandoned, right? Not a living thing in sight. Well I had nothing better to do, so I just picked one way to walk and just… walked. And eventually I came into sight of a bunch of buildings, ya know? It was a town. Or - it used to be a town. It was completely decimated - that means ruined, destroyed - and ransacked. It didn't look like anyone had been there for a long time. So, I decided to try and do a little scavenging. There are always little things that they miss, ya know? A hairbrush or some toothpaste here and there. Some clean clothes - well, not clean, but you know what I mean."

Little me giggled again.

Dev continued. "So I went into town and I began looking around and I didn't really find anything special. I didn't even expect to, really. But then… lo and behold… I hit the jackpot! The golden nugget of all things food was there, sitting underneath a pile of rubble. They were kind of smooshed but it great condition considering. Obviously they were stale, but man - they still taste like heaven, don't they?" Little Danielle nodded enthusiastically. "So I rip into them like, right away. And while I am stuffing my face, I hear a noise behind me. Obviously, I like - freak. I stuff the rest of the Oreos into my bag and slide into a still half-standing building. Good thing, I did too, because you know what came next?"

My little mouth was hanging open in suspense at this point.

Dev gave a dramatic pause. "Wolves! _Wolves _came next!"

Little Danielle gasped. "Wh-what did you _do?_"

"Well I-I froze, ya know? I was scared shitless - excuse my language. Actually, I mean, it's like - the apocalypse - and your parents aren't here - ah shit sorry - I mean um forget it. Language doesn't matter at this point." Dev grinned sheepishly.

Both little Danielle and me were laughing at this point. I had forgotten how _hilarious_ Dev was.

My own laughing snapped me out of my reverie, however. I needed to keep moving. Dad had said not to stop for anything and I had already stopped too long. Anyway, I didn't want to relive this… it'd just bring back even more painful memories. Besides, I already knew the end to Dev's story.

At this point, I had already begun walking away, leaving myself, Dev, and Dev's story behind. I could still imagine him acting out the next part - how the wolves shifted into human form. Their big yellow teeth shrinking to squares and their noses retracting into flattened features that imitated a human's. But they were anything but human. And, by the way - spoiler alert - Dev survived the encounter. Apparently he had reeked so badly that not even the wolves could smell him, so he was able to escape with both his life and the Oreos.

I didn't bother running this time. I think I was starting to get the hang of what was going on here. I was reliving my memories. But _why?_

* * *

I continued walking, still exhausted beyond measure. But I had to keep moving. I had to keep moving. _I had to keep moving._ I could _not_ get lost.

Before long, I stumbled into another memory.

I didn't realize it at first, because when I walked into the clearing, nobody was there. However, in the next second, a pack of _five_ wolves jumped out of the brush. They had been so quiet that I hadn't even heard them. I knew that this wasn't real, but I still jumped, wild with panic, and squirreled my way up a tree. To my surprise, I ended up crouching in a tree directly next to Dev. And on the other side of Dev was - surprise - the younger version of me.

Oh my god.

No.

_NO._

I felt sick.

There was nothing I could do to stop what came next. Little me and Dev had been arguing in furious whispers before the wolves had come into sight. But now, they stopped. Dev turned to little Danielle, his eyes determined, and she began to shake her head frantically, mouthing "_No, no, no,"_ over and over again. Her eyes were wide and tears were flowing freely down her face.

_Say hi to your Rose for me, _Dev whispered, barely audible. He was crying, too. And with that, he dropped from the tree, and he began to run.

Immediately, the wolves heads jerked up, and they gave chase.

"No," little Danielle sobbed. "_No!"_

I couldn't bear it any longer. I dropped from the tree and I began to run, just as little Danielle began hopping tree-top to tree-top in the opposite direction of the wolves, and the sounds of tearing, ripping, shredding, screaming, snarling began.

I could hear Dev screaming and I could hear the tearing of his flesh and smell the blood and I could not run fast enough. I ran and I ran and I _ran, _yet _still,_ Dev's screams echoed in my ears. The sound of the wolves _ripping_ _him apart_ like the horrible, monstrous beasts they are was trapped in my skull. There was no escape. _There was no escape._ No escape.

I collapsed to the ground, sobbing, curling in a ball as it all came back to me. No no no _no no no._ Dev. Dev. _Dev._ Shredding, tearing, snarling, teeth flashing, flesh flying, screaming and bleeding and crying and it would not stop. It _would not stop._ They ripped into him until there was nothing left - _nothing. _Dev was gone. _Gone._ Gone saving me.

He _knew _that both of would not be making it out of there, and he made the decision of who was going to be the one to make it. He jumped from that tree and he drew those wolves away to save _me. _Here I am, now, _because_ of Dev. Dev is dead. _Dead _because of me. And I could _hear_ him dying. I could hear his screams for miles, and even longer in my head after that. I could hear him screaming when I was asleep and I could hear him screaming when I was awake and Dev was _gone. _Gone gone gone.

I convulsed on the ground, holding my head and yanking my hair and crying, and I was screaming now too. I had watched my mother die and I had laid next to my father as he took his last breath and I never got to say goodbye to my brother and now Dev was dead and I _heard _him dying.

Those wolves took their sweet old time and the boy who had introduced me to Oreos and explained highways to me and described the city lights and how to fight with a knife because a bow and arrow will only get you so far - he was _gone._ The boy who had helped me through my first winter hunt alone after my brother never came back and who told me all about restaurants and the ocean and how there are whole other _land masses_ called _continents _where even more people lived with even funnier accents and the trees were shaped differently and the animals were strange and they played different music - he was _gone._ The boy who taught me almost everything about life Before, and taught me almost everything I know about wolves, was _gone._ The boy with the lopsided, permanent grin, the obnoxious laugh, the funny birthmark, the grace of a walrus (another thing Dev told me about). _Dev._

He was nineteen and his name was Dev.

He was from a place called Boston, Massachusetts - one of the last places to get hit, since it was on the eastern coast.

He had a little sister named Carly and a goldfish named Blu, even though he was orange.

His parents were divorced and he lived with his mom.

He was another person I loved whom I lost to the wolves.

I was delirious with grief and guilt and pain, and I could _feel_ myself slipping away. I could _feel_ myself leaving. I could _feel_ myself losing the battle. And I wanted to. I _wanted_ to slip away. I wanted to not be able to _feel._

_Promise? You won't leave me?_

I stopped screaming.

_Please don't leave me, Danielle._

I stopped shaking.

_I wouldn't even let _Death _keep me from you._

I lifted my head.

_You're invincible._

I stopped crying.

_Forever and always._

I took my hands from my head and I stood up. Slowly, deadly calm. It seemed to take me a century to get back on my feet. But I had to. I _had_ to do this. I had to remember _why _I was doing this.

_Rose._

I had lost all of these people. My sister had lost people too. I was _not_ going to give her one more person to mourn.

_Rose._

I closed my eyes.

_Rose._

I took a deep breath, and strength surged through me.

_Rose._

I found the door and I found the key in my mind and I locked Dev away again. Dev was gone, and there was nothing to do about it.

_Rose._

I opened my eyes and I began to walk again.

* * *

It was long time before I saw anything that caught my attention again. And maybe that was a good thing, because it gave me time to collect myself. Brace myself for the next memory. Because I realized now what my father meant when he had said that I would be tested mind, body, and soul.

It occurred to me briefly - I never had told Rose about Dev. I don't even know if I'd just forgotten or if it was intentional. Actually, yes, I did know. There is no way I could forget that. No way. I knew why I hadn't told her. It had just been too painful. Besides, what was the point? Dev was dead.

I stopped for a moment. I took a deep, shaky breath. I couldn't think of Dev now. That was over. I had to clear my mind, keep calm, and concentrate on what was next.

It began to snow heavily as I walked, and soon it was a blizzard. However, despite the fact that it must have been below freezing, I didn't feel the cold at all. I tried to figure out what memory this could be, but there have been several winters since the night my parents were killed. I believe that it is going on seven now.

Eventually, the trees thinned out a little. It wasn't quite a clearing, but the trees were much more sparse here than anywhere else. There was more than a foot of snow blanketing the ground, and fierce wind was blowing loose flakes around, making it difficult to see. As I kept moving, the trees stayed sparse, and to my surprise, I stumbled upon a dark opening in the relentless blizzard. Upon getting closer, I was even able to make out a bit of light in said opening, and I realized that it was a cave. The opening may have once been much larger, but the snow drifts covered much of the entrance. I could see shadows moving around inside.

I stopped froze - and not from the cold. I knew where I was - _when_ I was. This was the night before my ninth birthday. Why was I here, of all places?

My thoughts were interrupted by a chorus of howls. It was hard to tell how far away they were, for the wind could be carrying the sound for miles for all I knew.

"Shh… shhhh… it's okay. We're going to be okay," soothed a voice from inside the cave.

I shut my eyes for a moment. I knew that voice. It was still small and high pitched - he had not yet gone through puberty.

_Jeff._

I steeled myself, and I peered inside. And there he was: messy hair so dark it was almost black, coffee brown eyes, hawk-like eyebrows, all gangly elbows and knees. People had always said that I looked like the female version of him in terms of facial structure, and vice versa. We were born over two years apart, but we could have been twins if it weren't for my blonde hair and green eyes versus his black hair and brown eyes. He hadn't yet begun to fill out, as he was only eleven years old.

My heart constricted. I hadn't seen Jeff for nearly _four years._ And now here he was, eleven years old again. Whether it be comparing me to him in the memory or the last time I saw him, I was older than him. I am older now than Jeff ever was.

This was our first winter solstice after the death of our parents. They'd died in the late spring - Jeff had been ten then. His birthday had passed since, in the summer. Rose was seven here now too, even though she had been six before - her birthday was in October, over two months ago.

I felt a tear slip down my face.

I took a step into the cave. All three of us were huddled around the weak fire, desperate for warmth. Jeff had his arms around both me and Rose, but he was still small himself and could not hold the both of us all that well. We had a couple of blankets around us, but that was not enough. We were all shivering violently, but Rose in particular looked almost blue with cold.

The night was riddled with choruses of howls left and right, barely seconds apart. The winter solstice was when they were most active, at their strongest, the most slave to their monstrous instinct. They were drowned out by the storm, of course, but there were so many that it didn't seem to matter. I looked back at myself, little Danielle, who was whimpering.

"They're going to get us," whispered Danielle. "They're coming for us, just like mom and dad." She began to cry.

"_No," _Jeff said fiercely. "I won't let them. I'll protect us."

Danielle looked up at him with wide, wet eyes. "_How?"_

Just then Rose gave shiver even more violent than before. Her teeth were chattering and her eyes were closed. She looked like she could be dead if not for the small rise and fall of her chest. Both Jeff and Danielle looked at her in alarm.

"Rose?" Jeff shook her arm.

Danielle began to panic and she turned to shake Rose harder. "_Rose!_ Rosie, wake up! _Wake up, _Rosie! You can't go to sleep! You _can't!_" Her eyes were wild with fear and worry.

Jeff began rubbing Rose's arms vigorously and Danielle began patting her cheek, harder each time.

"_Rose!"_ Dani cried.

To her siblings' relief, Rose coughed weakly and slowly opened her eyes, which were nearly frozen shut.

Danielle fell sobbing onto her sister and Jeff hugged them both tight.

"Just hold on a little longer, Rosie," whispered Jeff, his eyes taut with worry. "Just stay awake a little longer. Stay with us, Rosie."

I turned away quickly, unable to watch any longer, and began making my way out of the cave. The howls were the only thing cutting through the night - one of the most terrifying nights of my life. I had thought Rose was going to die that night. She almost _had _died. It was a miracle that _any _of us had made it through the night.

* * *

As I walked, the snow subsided. Slowly, the snow left the trees and the leaves turned gold and orange and yellow and brown, falling off the branches in turn. The soft crunch of the leaves underfoot told me that it was fall now.

Not much later, I was stopped by the sound of leaves crunching to my right. I turned my head and there I was, still nine years old, but looking a little older than I had been in the cave. I must have been about to turn ten in a couple months. I was carrying a bow and arrows, and next to me was my brother, similarly equipped.

"Alright, let's split up here. We can cover more ground this way," Jeff said. "Are you going to be okay on your own?" he added, turning to little Danielle.

She nodded.

"Alrighty then. See you soon?"

"See you soon," Danielle said with a grin. And with that, they split off into different directions. I wanted to go with Jeff - stay with Jeff. I already knew what was going to happen. I knew these were only memories, but _god_ did I miss Jeff, and I wanted to stay with him for as long as I possibly could. However, my body had other plans. It was like I had a hook buried in my gut, and I was tugged in the direction that the younger version of me had gone.

Reluctantly, I followed myself deeper into the woods. It was funny seeing myself so young, so inexperienced. I was very noisy and whenever I stopped to try and shoot something, my posture was all off. I was still a pretty decent shot, but not as good as I am now.

After bagging a couple of small animals - a squirrel and a rabbit, even a bird here and there - little Danielle stopped to rest. She dropped her bag to the ground and slid down against a tree, pulling out her waterskin. She had barely taken a sip when a bush about a hundred yards away caught her eye. She put down her waterskin and got up, moving towards the bush with interest.

I followed her, and once she got closer to the bush, she grinned. "_Jackpot!"_

It was a berry bush. Little me began stuffing them into her pockets. To this day, I still don't know what kind of berries they were. They could have been poisonous for all I knew - but I never got to find out, because just then, there was a deep rumbling behind me.

Both little me and present me whipped around towards the growl. It was a wolf, mottled grey and brown, its hackles raised. Little Danielle gasped and stumbled back in alarm, tripping and landing on her bottom. Her bow and arrows were still where she had left them, propped against a tree on the other side of the wolf.

The wolf's silver eyes flashed murderously and Danielle screamed, scrambling frantically backwards in the leaves. The beast crouched back on its haunches for a moment, and then leaped. Danielle only just managed to roll to the side and the wolf missed its marks. Teeth bared, it turned back towards her. By now, she had managed to pull out her small hunting knife. It seemed like it might as well have been a toy butter knife when contrasted with the enormous wolf before her.

"_Jeff!" _little Danielle shrieked. But Jeff was nowhere to be seen.

The wolf pounced again, and this time Danielle rolled to her feet, brandishing her knife nervously. Oh dear, nervous isn't even a strong enough word for what I had been feeling in that moment. Danielle leaped forward and slashed the knife quickly at the wolf, who just took a step back and seemed to grin. He was toying with her - with me. Before she could react, the wolf had leaped again and this time it met its mark. It hit her squarely in the chest and raked her shoulder, causing her to scream again. They both hit the ground with a thud and the younger version of me began to thrash wildly. The wolf lifted its paw and raked her again, and the sound itself was sickening. The sheer agony of her screams was enough to make one sick.

The wolf bared its teeth and went in for the kill, but Danielle was not going down without a fight. She was still thrashing wildly, and she managed to stick her knife in the wolf's shoulder. The wolf howled and reared back in pain, giving Danielle a chance to scramble out from under it. She tried to get up and run, but slipped on her own blood, which was now stained on the leaves, and she fell.

The wolf was angry now, and it was done playing games. It began stalking her slowly - she was almost back to the tree with her bow and arrows. Danielle was whimpering and pleading now, crying for Jeff in a voice so small even I could barely hear her.

I - me - present me - fell to the ground now. I knew how this ended, and although I live, obviously, the emotional trauma I suffered was permanent. I closed my eyes and I could see it playing in my head - over and over and over again.

She reached her weapons and the wolf jumped. It was as if it were in slow motion: Danielle reached my bow and grabbed an arrow from the sheath, turning onto her back into the grass and notching it just as the wolf leaped once more - this time being its final. I watched myself let the arrow fly, and it hit home - piercing straight through the wolf's throat. The wolf fell to the ground mid-leap with a sickening blood, but it was not dead yet. Little Danielle watched in horror as the wolf proceeded to make awful gurgling sounds - it was drowning in its own blood.

I felt the wolf ripping into me. I heard the tearing of my own skin and the shrieks that didn't even sound human coming from my mouth. I saw the wolf thump to the ground beside me, and _it wasn't even dead yet._

Recovering from the shock, little me retrieved her knife from the wolf's shoulder and hesitated for a moment before driving the knife right back into the wolf's flesh. She stabbed him again and again and again, right in the heart - just as Rose had done earlier, what felt like ages ago.

Rose had just had to go through what I had gone through. The blood, the fear, the pain, the agony - I was going to die. She was going to die. I had just killed something. Someone. Could you even call that thing someone? It was intelligent, it had a human form. Did he have a family?

_Who cares?_ a voice inside me screamed. _He - _it _\- was a monster. It deserved to die. They all deserve to die. _I was on the ground now, and I cradled my head in my hands. _They are beasts - monsters - animals, just like everything else in these woods. They show no mercy, so why should you show _them _any?_

Young me only stopped when Jeff finally showed up, having heard the final bits of the battle. He dropped his own bow, arrows, and game bag and rushed forwards, taking the knife from Danielle and holding her tight. It was impossible to tell now what blood belonged to her and what blood belonged to the wolf.

I lay there gasping on the ground - no Jeff to hold _me_ now while I relived the nightmare. Ripping, tearing, _shredding,_ screaming, blood and flesh and teeth and claws and that awful, _awful _gurgling noise - the sound of an animal _drowning_ in its own blood.

_Rose._

I knew I had to get up. I _knew _I couldn't lay here. I had to keep moving. I had to keep moving. I had to get out of here - wake up - find my way back to my body - for Rose. I could feel myself slipping away again and I could _not_ let that happen. I couldn't.

_Rose._

My eyes shut tight, I fixed Rose's face in my head. A good memory, one of her smiling. Smiling was rare, so it was welcome when it happened. Rose's eyes were crinkled with laughter and her messy brown hair was all in her eyes. She was laughing so hard that there were tears in her eyes. She always cried when she laughed, whether she was only giggling or when she was guffawing, laughing so hard she couldn't breath.

_Rose._

I left them there, then - young me sobbing with pain and fear and relief and god knows what else, and Jeff attempting to calm me down and tend to my wounds. Slowly, I uncurled myself from my ball and released my head. The younger version of me was still hysterical, and if I remembered correctly, I would be hysterical for quite a while. And even then, I would never be the same after that… my first kill.

_Rose._

I got to my feet and took one last shaky breath. _I can do this._

Walking away, I felt my hand unconsciously move up to my shoulder and chest area, where I felt the scars that I still beared now from that day. I didn't think I had enough tears in me to cry again.

I wondered how much longer this was going to go on. I'd already been through… what? Four memories? Five? I had to get back to Rose. I felt as if it had been days already.

Oh my god.

She probably thought that I was dead.

And even if she didn't, what if she found my body? I'm sure I _looked _dead. Dad said I was pretty much dead. Or what if that wolf had gotten to her? I hadn't killed that white one. I didn't even know if I'd killed the _Alpha_. I had to get back. I had to get back _now._

I began to run.

* * *

I ran and I ran and I ran. I pushed branches out of my way and I could barely breath now, but I kept running. I seemed to run forever before I finally had to stop. I collapsed to my knees.

"Come on!" I shouted to the sky. "What's next? _Come on!"_

I hadn't really expected anything to happen, to be honest. So you can imagine my surprise when I heard a voice behind me. It was then that I realized this area of woods looked familiar.

"I'll be back in a couple of weeks," promised Jeff.

I whipped around and there we were again. Me, Jeff, and Rose.

_No._

No no _no._

_Any_ memory but this.

"What are we gonna do while you're gone?" inquired Rose, her brow furrowed.

Jeff laughed a little bit. "What you always do, silly. Dani can hunt, so you guys should be okay on your own for a while. I won't be gone long." He gave a reassuring smile.

_Liar! _I wanted to scream. _You'll be gone forever!_

"Why do you have to be gone so long?" Rose whined. "What do you even do? And why do you always have to go alone?"

Jeff shook his head a little, smiling. "I get us more pelts to keep us warm for the winter, so we don't freeze."

Rose frowned. "Okay? So why do you have to go alone?"

Younger me had been quiet this whole time until now. "He doesn't hunt _deer_ out there, Rosie."

"Huh? Then what does he hunt? _Squirrels?_" she snickered. "You'd have to hunt _a lot_ of squirrels to put together one big pelt."

Danielle opened her mouth again, but Jeff shook his head. However, Dani just glared at him.

Rose noticed the exchange. "What?"

"It's nothing," Jeff said quickly.

"He hunts -" Dani began, but Jeff cut her off with another look. _Yes, Dani, _I thought. _Shut up!_

Rose stomped her foot in frustration. "What? I'm not a _baby!_" _Oh yes you are, my sweet Rosie. _"You can tell me." She glared at us both. "What could you _possibly_ be hunting that you have to be gone weeks at a time - _alone?_"

Danielle turned to Jeff. "I don't see why she's not allowed to know." _I do now._

"I just don't think it's necessary."

"Yeah, well what if you don't come back? What's she gonna think then? You ran headfirst into a _tree?_" Danielle retorted. _Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up!_

Rose's head whipped back and forth between me and Jeff.

"It doesn't matter, because I'm going to come back. I _always_ come back, don't I?"

"Yeah, but what if this time you don't?" _Oh my god, I didn't even know. I didn't even know._

"But I _will." No you won't._

"But what if you _don't?" He doesn't._

"_I will." Liar!_

Dani turned to Rose now. "He hunts wolves, Rose."

Rose gasped, and simultaneously Jeff smacked Danielle on the arm, hard. "_Danielle!"_

"_Ow! _What?"

"You can't just _tell _her!"

"Why not?"

"Look, you scared her now."

"As if she hasn't been scared her entire life."

"_Danielle!"_

"_What?_ It's true. Besides, you didn't have a problem telling _me._"

"That's different."

"How is it different?" _You know exactly how it's different._

Silence.

"Tell me. _How_ is it different?"

"Curse the moon, Dani! It just _is!"_

"You told me just in case you didn't come back, right? You told me so I could take over, didn't you?" _No no no no no no no no no! Stop _saying _that!_

"Dani, _drop it." Please, _I begged myself, knowing it was useless.

Younger me glared at Jeff, her arms crossed. "Drop what? The truth? You want to _lie_ to her?" _Yes!_

Rose cut in now. "Dani, _stop_ it!" _Oh, Rose..._

Danielle and Jeff both looked at her in surprise.

"It doesn't _matter." Yes it does. _"It doesn't matter because like Jeff said, he always comes back." _Not this time._ Her voice was tiny. "So no worries, right?" _Rose, no..._

Danielle stayed silent, but Jeff nodded. "Right. See, Dani?" _No, _not _right!_

Dani opened her mouth to give a retort, but was startled into closing it when all of a sudden, Rose smacked Jeff.

"But _really,_ Jeff! Wolves? You are hunting _wolves?_" Rose yelled.

Dani started snickering and Jeff grinned sheepishly. _Oh my god. Why are you laughing? _Why _are you laughing? This isn't funny. No no no no you don't even know - _I _don't even know._

"_Really!_" exclaimed Rose. "I've been _wearing_ wolves?"

Dani lost it and began laughing. "Yeah, Rose, they give you a nice, warm, loving embrace every night while you sleep."

Rose shuddered.

"Alright, guys. I really do have to go, though," Jeff reminded them. Both Dani and Rose stopped laughing. _No, no… please don't go, Jeff. Please… _I was completely helpless.

"You _promise_ you'll come back?" Rose asked quietly. Danielle was eyeing him intensely. _I knew. I _must _have known. Why didn't I _stop _him? Why didn't I go _with _him?_

Jeff smiled. "_Promise." _

_You lying bastard! You lying, promise-breaking bastard! _

Before I could stop myself, I - present me - ran up to Jeff in a fury and tried to push him. My hands went right through and I fell on my face. I flipped over in the dirt. "You _liar!_ You don't come back! You _don't!_ You broke your promise Jeff! _You broke your promise!"_ my voice cracked, and I collapsed, sobbing onto the ground. I shook my head. "You don't come back… you _don't._ You _left_ me, Jeff. You left _Rose_. You broke your promise. You _left_ us. You _abandoned_ us. You didn't come back…"

I lost it then. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even function in the least. He didn't come back he didn't come back he didn't come back he didn't come back he didn't come back he didn't come back he didn't come back he didn't come back he didn't come back he didn't come back he didn't come back he didn't he didn't he didn't he didn't he didn't he didn't he didn't _he didn't._

_He didn't come back._

He'd promised he would come back to us.

He _didn't._

I'd promised I would come back to Rose again.

I _would._

Slowly, I lifted my head from the ground. I wiped away my tears and I took yet another deep breath. Jeff may have broken his promise, and along with it our hearts. But _I_ was going _keep_ my promise. I'd vowed I would come back to Rose, and I was _not_ going to be just another promise-breaker in her life.

I left us joking and saying our 'goodbyes' and 'I love you's. We had no idea that that would be our last time. Our last 'goodbye'. Our last 'I love you'. Our last hug. Our last laugh together.

* * *

Funnily enough, the next memory I stumbled upon was in the exact same setting, right down to the dirt on the ground. This time though, it was only myself and Rose. Jeff was nowhere to be seen.

No.

I know I've said this before, but no.

No no no no no.

I couldn't. I couldn't do this.

I turned away and I began to run, but I could already feel myself falling apart. I ran and I ran and I ran until I couldn't keep it together anymore. I hadn't even relived the memory yet and I was incapacitated. I fell to the ground, choking - I couldn't even sob.

However, I heard footsteps in the dirt, right in front of me. I lifted my head, and there we were again.

I screwed my eyes shut and wailed, clenching my fists in my hair. "_Nooooo! No no no no no no no no NOOOOOOOOOO!"_

Rose was pacing back and forth, wearing a path in the dirt. Danielle was sitting a few feet away, her head in her hands. Finally, Danielle seemed to have had enough.

I turned to run again, but there we were.

"Rose, _stop it._"

I whipped around looking for somewhere - anywhere - to run.

Rose turned towards Danielle anxiously. "I can't. I'm worried."

They were everywhere.

Danielle's eyes rose to meet her sister's. They look completely and utterly dead. "I'm sure he's fine." There was no inflection in her - my - voice.

There was no escape.

"He's been gone for nearly _two months,_ Danielle!" Rose's voice was becoming higher pitched a louder in volume with each word. "He said he'd be gone a couple _weeks!_"

I collapsed onto my knees again, screwing my eyes shut and pressing my hands to my hears so hard I thought my skull might crack. I no longer had the strength to stand.

"Rose…" My own voice echoed in my head.

"What if he's hurt?" Rose's too.

"Rosie…" _No._

"What if he needs our help?" _No!_

"Rose." _Go away!_

"You know what? He's probably fine. Like you said, he's fine." I began to sob.

"..."

"Oh my god, what if he found other people?" I could still see them.

"..."

"What if he captured a wolf and is interrogating it?" My eyes were shut and I could still see them.

"Rose, that's stupid and you know it."

"He's fine. He's _gotta_ be fine." _Please, stop, I'm begging you! _I didn't know who or what I was pleading to, I just wanted it all to stop.

"Rose, like you said, it's been months…"

"_No!_ Don't say it, Dani. Don't you dare say it." I tried to scream to drown out the voices, but they only got louder.

"Rosie -"

"He promised he would come back! He _promised!_" I fell onto my hands now, shaking.

"_Mariana-Rose."_

"_What?" _Rose whipped towards the younger me, her balls curled into fists. I curled into a ball and held my head in my hands, eyes still shut.

Danielle looked at her steadily, evenly, for several moments.

"_What?" _Rose screamed the question, getting closer and closer to young me. Defeated, I watched the scene play out in my head, exactly as it had nearly four years ago.

Little me closed her eyes for a moment. I could see her physically preparing herself.. I - she - took a deep breath.

"Rose…" she began, her voice barely a whisper. "Rosie… I don't think he's coming back."

"No! No no no no no no no no no _no no no!_ He _promised!_ He _promised_ he would come back! You're wrong, Dani! You're _wrong!_" Rose screamed at me.

Danielle's head fell back into her hands and Rose began to pace again. "He's coming back. He has to. He always comes back. He'll be back. He's coming back. He's coming back. He's coming back," Rose muttered over and over to herself. Meanwhile, Danielle had begun to cry silently, her head still in my hands.

"He's coming back he's coming back he's coming back he's coming back he's coming back he's coming back he's coming back he's coming back he's coming back _he's coming back_."

Slowly, Danielle lifted her head from her hands. Her eyes were dead. It was like all the life had been sucked out of her. You could see straight down into her soul and there was nothing there. Nothing at all. She - I - was empty.

"He's coming back he's coming back he's coming back he's coming back he's coming back he's coming back he's coming back." Against her will, Rose had begun to cry. "_He's coming back,_" she whispered, her voice cracking. _No he's not!_ I wanted to scream.

It was then that young me blinked. And then she blinked again. As if coming out of a deep dream - a place where reality wasn't real - where none of this was happening - she blinked rapidly a few times, her eyes fixed on Rose. And suddenly, those green eyes weren't empty anymore. I couldn't tell you what was there even now, but there was something.

Young me stood from where she had been sitting and moved slowly towards her little sister, where she was still pacing and muttering to herself. She walked up to Rose and took her by the shoulders, holding her so that they - we - were facing each other, eye to eye.

"He's coming back," Rose croaked.

"No," she said quietly - so quiet that it was barely audible. "No, Rosie. He's not coming back."

"_No!"_ Rose screeched, and she pushed the younger version of me away. "No! _No!" _She turned her back and paced towards a tree. "_Noooooooooooooooooooo!_" she howled. "He _promised!_" She punched the tree, but didn't seem to notice the pain.

Danielle moved towards her quickly, grabbing her hands to examine her knuckles. They were bloody now. "Rose -"

All of a sudden she yanked her hands away from her and pushed her back again. She took a step backwards herself, her face full of rage. "_You." _I inhaled sharply, knowing what was next.

Danielle was confused. "Rosie -?" She took a step forward, but Rose took another step back.

"Don't _touch _me!" she snarled. It was like the venom of her words was piercing me all over again.

"What - ?"

"This is _your _fault! This is _all your fault!_" I was in agony.

"Rosie, I don't -"

"_Don't_ call me that! _You_ did this!" I couldn't breathe.

"No - Rose - how -?" Danielle took a step forward and tried to hold her again, but she was not having it.

"_Get away from me!_" she screeched, and she began to pound on Danielle's chest as her sister tried to pull her closer. "You did this! _You did this!_" Rose continued to pound on her chest. "It's all your fault," she wailed. "You jinxed him! You _jinxed_ him! He said he'd always come back and you _doubted_ him - you _questioned_ him - you asked what if he _didn't _come back! And now he _hasn't!_ He hasn't come back and the wolves have got him and _it's all your fault!_" Rose's fighting had grown more feeble with each word, and now she collapsed into Danielle's embrace, sobbing uncontrollably.

We both slid to the ground as Danielle began to cry too. I could feel my heart breaking then and I could feel my heart breaking now.

"I'm sorry," Danielle whispered, her voice cracking. "_I'm so sorry."_

I - present me - began to rock back and forth on the ground next to them. I pressed my forehead hard into the dirt and twisted the grass in my fingers, sobbing.

_Don't touch me!_

_This is your fault!_

_Get away from me!_

_You did this!_

_It's all your fault!_

Her words echoed mercilessly in my head, loud and screaming - refusing to be ignored. I had forgotten about this day. No - I hadn't forgotten about it. I had buried it. Locked it away. Because it incapacitated me, just like it was doing now.

_No no no no no no no no no!_

I tried to tell myself it wasn't my fault - part of me knew it couldn't possibly be my fault. But when my sister is hitting me and sobbing against me and screaming at me that it's my fault, I couldn't help but to feel guilty, as if I had sinned.

_Don't touch me!_

The look on her face had been like a hot knife in my stomach.

_This is your fault!_

The venom in her voice pierced my heart like an arrow.

_Get away from me!_

The accusation in her voice caused my lungs to collapse.

_You did this!_

I felt as if I were made of paper.

_It's all your fault!_

It's all my fault.

All my fault.

My fault.

My heart had shattered into a million pieces that night. And it was not just from Rose's accusations. Because Jeff was gone. Jeff was gone and this time he wasn't coming back. It had been two months and we had been hoping against hope, but now I'd had to face it: Our big brother was not coming back. Not this time.

I had watched both of my parents murdered by wolves, and now I'd lost my big brother too. I may not have watched him get torn to pieces, but I might as well have for all Rose's expression had done to me. I didn't _have_ to watch him die to feel that agony - I felt it right here, right now, as my sister fell to pieces before my eyes.

He'd promised.

She had believed him.

_I_ had even believed him.

But he was gone. No mom. No dad. No more brother. It was just me and Mariana-Rose now, and I was in charge. It was my turn - my job - to keep my baby sister safe.

Both younger me and younger Rose had vanished now. I didn't know where they had gone. I didn't _care._

I've spent years picking up those pieces, and even now my heart is still not yet whole again. Rose became my sole responsibility - my sole purpose in life. Because I had wanted to die in that moment. I had truly, wholly, achingly wished to die. And I would've. I would have laid there on the ground, motionless - paralyzed with grief - until my body shut down completely.

But I had Rose.

I had to take care of Mariana-Rose.

I couldn't quit on her. I couldn't - not then.

I was losing my mind - I could feel it. But still, somehow, I found in myself the strength to fight it. Because I hadn't quit then. I _couldn't_ quit on Rose then. And I couldn't quit on Rose now, either.

It felt as if there were hundreds of pounds in weights in my chest, but still, I somehow managed to drag myself to my feet. I couldn't quit. I couldn't.

_I'll always come back to you._

And I'd meant it.

_Promise you won't leave me?_

I'd promised.

_You're invincible._

Maybe not, but I had to be now.

_Forever and always._

I had no intention on breaking my word.

_Please don't leave me._

I wouldn't.


End file.
